uh oh the big globe just rolled away

In order to remain faithful to the author’s original vision we have removed all bathrooms from the Magical World of Harry Potter. Guests will now be able to shit and piss wherever, like wizards of old.

We have taken nine of the creepiest and most evil universal monsters and given them life time appointments to control literally everything that happens here at the park.

for pride we will be giving out free poppers

Brendan Fraser mummy 4 when

A new ride based on rides called ride: the ride

We now offer free, safe, legal abortions.

We regret to inform you that Woody Woodpecker has accepted a role in the upcoming Roman Polanski film.

Harry Potter this, transformers ride that. What about the good old days of universal when it was a Marilyn Monroe look alike and Beetle Bailey?

The Fast & Furious is a real thing that happened to my uncle.

Park is currently experiencing a surge of guests who I can only describe as Swamp Things, half-man half-swamp creatures determined to avenge their deaths

We are going to reboot the movie where the train comes towards the screen.

Permanently closing all the Wizard stuff. I’m just kinda sick of it.