Vaeyr retweeted
"The Goblin before you has positive canthal tilt, a chin dimple and thick eyebrows."
"I attempt to mog him"
"Are you sure you want to do that?"
Vaeyr retweeted
Sometimes you look up from your phone and realize that the highway you’re driving on is quite beautiful
Vaeyr retweeted
Took my (frigid) wife to see Wuthering Heights tonight. Car ride to the theater she put on the Hamilton soundtrack and scrolled through Pinterest the entire time ignoring me. I think I chipped a tooth from clenching my teeth.
Walk into the theater lobby and it’s a sea of screaming black teenagers and obese guatemalan women babbling into speakerphone. I buy her some garbage to eat and we go into the theater. Before we sit down she accidentally (?) spills her extra large diet Dr. Pepper on my seat, but the theater is full so I just sit in it. My ass is immediately soaked but I don’t care I just don’t want to move my body anymore I just don’t want my body to function.
The guatemalan women are in the theater and they and my wife are all staring at their phones, giving the room a sickly, ambient glow that makes my eyes water and my stomach turn.
The movie starts and I mentally check out, thinking of the chubby teenage girl at the concession counter and how thrilling it would be to kidnap her. I let my mind drift away but my wife snaps me out of this fantasy by hacking loudly trying to get a stuck popcorn kernel out of her throat. The guatemalan women sense distress and start nervously gibbering in their gutterspeak. I excuse myself to the bathroom but instead sneak into some kind of cartoon called Goat.
I sit in the back and sob softly until a black teenager notices me and screams “ayo dis gay nigga crine!” and the rest of them start jeering and screaming at me so I rush out. I lock eyes with the chubby teenage girl in the lobby and she looks sad and I imagine she’d be okay with me kidnapping her but I just go back and sit next to my wife in the giant puddle of diet Dr. Pepper.
The movie finishes. We leave. Wife immediately puts Hamilton soundtrack back on and scrolls Pinterest. We won’t be discussing the film.
No, we won’t be discussing anything.
Am I Heathcliff?
Am I myself?
Am I a person?
Am I sure I can keep doing this for one second longer?
Tomorrow is Friday, but in reality, everyday is Monday.
Vaeyr retweeted
btw i can tell when your toddler is performatively coughing when you walk past me on the sidewalk as i’m smoking a cig
Vaeyr retweeted
the collective totality of every human that has ever lived in history constitutes a kind of "person", the human race as a singular cohesive identity (the Geist), and has undergone a process of growth similar to the individual humans development, from baby to adulthood, and this development is what we call history. to understand humanity as a collective project, that is developing in complexity and nuance over time, not according to any one singular individuals will or direction - no part of the whole directs or even understands the whole (until Hegel, who is the first to do so, in articulating this - more on this later). philosophy is the discovery of this process, as we inspect it "after the fact" so to speak. History just happens, but using philosophy, we can discover what has happened and who we are, and this explains human civilizational and technological development from tribal, agricultural state to modern industrialized state. Hegel considers his work transcendentalist because it is in Hegel that for the first time in history, this history-spirit become "self-aware" in the literal words that Hegel is writing about it. The absolute is the end point of this development, which is also "philosophy's God", the God of Plato, the abstract first mover end final purpose of all existence, and human historical process, is the process of the absolute becoming self-aware, in the form of humanity, and Hegel's phenomenology of the spirit is the exact moment in time where the absolute recognizes itself, and he says "my pen is writing the thoughts of God". Dialectic is a word to describe the practical way that the human spirit develops, the way the culture and social development progresses "in an upwards spiral", through, essentially, trial and error.
Vaeyr retweeted
A lot of women are unaware of a particular species of mischievous time vampires that latch on to them in their early 20s. They present themselves as normal average men and develop a relationship but they DON'T propose or provide any clear goals towards marriage or children.
They try to maintain this arrangement for at least 5 years, usually up to 10 if they can but seldom longer. Either when the woman reaches a breaking point about not being married or when she's well into her 30s, whichever comes first, this devious trickster will come before her and levitate off the ground by a few inches, rolling his eyes into the back of his head.
As thunderous fog and flashes of light fill the living room of their apartment, the creature posing as a boyfriend will visibly and rapidly de-age into how he looked in his early 20s yet again. He will then point and laugh at the woman, howling and cackling before he throws a smoke bomb on the floor and disappears completely. She will be completely unable to find any trace of his existence as he morphs into a new identity to try and waste a younger woman's time.
Within ten minutes of this occurring, a debt collections agency will knock on the door of what is now solely the woman's apartment. When she answers, she will be handed a bill that contains every possible expense the man ever paid for within the breadth of their relationship, with an aggressive APR tacked on which was accruing the whole time.
Any attempt to vocalize this experience or inform others about what happened is hampered by a severe brain fog and lapse in focus, the same kind any single woman above thirty experiences when being forced to make a decision without a man present. At night, she will have scary nightmares of multiple clones of her ex in devil imp halloween costumes jumping up and down with plastic red pitchforks yelling in high pitch squeals, "IT'S YOUR FAULT YOU'RE ALONE YOU HAD SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE YOU HAD SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE YOU HAD SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE-" over and over until she wakes up in a cold sweat.
Ladies, pay attention to the signs, you could be dealing with a time vampire!
Watch out for:
- Prolific marijuana use
- Makes you pay for anything
- 2+ years with zero talk of marriage or children
- Met him on Discord
- Was your coworker at a restaurant or bar
- Works at a restaurant or bar at all
- Hates his parents
- Dresses like a goofy ass wigger
- Isn't ashamed of playing video games in front of you
- Obsessed with eating ass
- Takes home leftovers from restaurants
- Rents
- Refuses to let you quit your job because "how is the rent going to get paid?"
- Texts you more than you text him
- Complains about his job
- Keeps his hands in his pockets too much
- Can't go to bed without water on the nightstand
- Wears sneakers outside the gym
- Watches YouTube drama/Twitch Streamers
- Watches YouTube at all tbh
- Asks you to drive him
- Owns an android
- Takes selfies
- Listens to or even tolerates rap music
- Orders dessert
- Really really loves Kanye
- Marvel, Star Wars, Rick and Morty, Reddit, etc
- Has ever cried in front of you
- Makes his problems your problems
- Masturbates
- Watches sports
- Desktop or phone wallpaper has fictional characters
- Colorful lights on his keyboard and mouse
- Looks too happy eating phallic foods (banana, sausage, etc)
- Herbivore eyes (glazed over, doughy, negative canthal)
- Constantly gets caught in little lies
- Doesn't understand you
- Has any trauma or physical disability
- Keeps promising he'll stop watching pornography
- Gets emotional about politics in any capacity or direction
- Breath stinky, hair greasy, unkempt fingernails
- Onliner slouch
- Gets in fights in public and loses them
- Has to pee too much
- Eats microwaved food
- Snacks, grazes, gives himself "treats"
- Has never fired a gun or thinks guns are bad
- Does any kind of singing or voice imitation in front of you
- Expresses any desire to be someone else/Celebrity worship
- Gets too affectionate with pets
- Gives hints about gifts he wants
- Gives exact change in coins at the register
- Uses coupons, discounts, rewards, or BOGOs
- Stands up as soon as the plane lands
- Knows the name of any stand up comedian at all
- Cannot physically carry you
- Pants taper towards the ankles
- Emoji reacts your texts
- Pubic beard hair
- Says he loves you too much
