Viki Waters

This is my five-year-old daughter's school reading book this week. So very odd.

Great that @haringeycouncil's phoneline for anti-social noise is only actually manned during permitted noise times @CatherineWest1

Reality stars are too low rent for Strictly but YouTubers aren't?! Hmmmm...

It's Three Lions. Not It's Coming Home. Three Lions. #rage

So over tenuous royal wedding press releases.

Do I know anyone involved with the Stones tour/London stadium that wants to give me tickets for next Tuesday? #journorequest

Yesssssssssss Nine Inch Nails tickets booked. First thing I've gone for this year that hasn't sold out in seconds.

Amazingly all the pre-sale codes sent to touts have worked. Well done everybody.

Wait over an hour for pre-sale code for @RollingStones #nofilter tour. Pre-sale code finally arrives and doesn't work. Nice one.

Ore and Davina on #ThisMorning are PAINFUL

#jcvjpremiere time. V funny in the q+a this afternoon.

Thank you thank you thank you @Jadelancashire @GolinLON

fish with feet is terrifying. Marginally less creepy than cats with thumbs. #blueplanetii

#HarryStylesattheBBC on telly, Liam on the radio. Busy hour. They don't mash up too well either.

Slight time delay but Siva stuck in the fence in his tight jeans 😂😂😂😂 #celebrityhunted

Weird how the Mirror are claiming Cheryl has said the exact same thing about Girls Aloud bitterness as Nadine did a month ago. Editing fail?

Glitter in eye. manics fan probs. #qawards

Noel new single - Plasti Bertrand/ Ricky Martin/ Diamond Dogs. Kinda like it though.