33 | He/Him/His | Freelance shitposting | these are my stupid jokes and I love them | never quit the bit
Providence, RI
Joined November 2013
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I haven't had the mustache in my pic for almost a year. I'm an internet fraud. A cyber charlatan. A purveyor of digital snake oils. Which you should have figured out from the mustache
The Human Sacrispice ensures the safety of our poppiest bops for another year and I for one am grateful 🙏
Genius Marketing Idea:
Every October, the @spicegirls should have added a sixth member named “Pumpkin Spice.”
She wears tan scarves, takes pictures in apple orchards, and slowly freezes to death by Christmas.
Get a Mcdonalds cheeseburger, 4pc nugget, and a Buffalo sauce. Put the nuggets on the burger, apply Buffalo to your heart's content. I call it the Buffalo Bill, it absolutely sucks and I love it
In search of giant wizard hat. (A thread of complaints.)
The ones from Amazon aren't big enough. Like, pitifully small hats for pitifully talentless magicians.
So anyway, ISO giant wizard hat, with pocket dimension installed with running water. (I will be installing the Swedish Dragonrock spa from my old hat). As long as it's up to Occupational Safety & Hazard Arcana Council Code I'll weave the spacetime fabric around the brim myself.
*nintendo office workers desperately shredding documents titled "Zelda: Waker of the Deep" and millions of concept drawings of the King of Red Lions as a chubby lil sub and Tingle in a scuba suit while Aonuma sheds a tear, looking wistfully out an office window amongst the chaos*
Me, sitting at my inventor's desk, crumpling up designs and throwing them into a small trash bucket. Every single page contains some variation of "camel crush but for orange juice pulp"
