Babafemi Oluyemi

Non Verbal Battles In Marriage He met her at a symposium organized by a former governor of a very prosperous state He was a banker and she was an event manager They sized each other up and when he asked for her phone number, she made him promise that he would call her and not just collect the phone number for the fun of it She was a mother of one, divorced and trusting God for a husband He was unmarried and had recently come into some good money courtesy of the foreign exchange market and lopsided government policies She was a beauty and he was smitten He called her as promised and they began to date Within a year, she was pregnant for him and they had to formalize things She became his wife When it was time to deliver, she had a set of triplets It was the happiest day of his life They had everything money could buy and even those beautiful things which money could never buy He bought her a car, an SUV that could easily convey her, the children and the maid A friend of hers told her about dashcams and their usefulness in recording happenings in the car when she travelled to the USA with the children on vacation She bought for her cars Just the way they have CCTVs at home, she also installed dashcams on the cars The intention was safety and to aptly record notable events in cases of emergency One day, at about 2AM WAT, while she was on holiday with the children in Europe, the dashcam app on her phone sent her notifications She opened it and saw her husband driving her car which she left back home in Nigeria Beside him was a beautiful lady who was almost naked and acting all lovey dovey with him She went berserk immediately She called her lawyer and told him to issue her husband a notice of divorce for reasons of infidelity She had taken pictures from the dashcam as evidence of her husband's misdeeds and she sued him for everything she could get out of the marriage When the husband got the letter from the lawyer, he didn't reply He withdrew all the fund in his dollar cards which she was using to pay while she and the children were on vacation Then he called his wife's mother and told her he does not want both his wife and the children anymore He blocked his wife on his phone and social media and cut off all forms of contact with her. It was not what the wife expected in anyway She expected him to show some form of remorse and explain what a strange woman was doing with him in her car She expected him to consider their children and show them some form of tenderness How cruel could a man be to defund the vacation of his own children while they were in a foreign country? Luckily, she had some money and was able to get herself and the children back home, even though their vacation was cut short. When she got home, she expected her husband to explain himself Instead, he came home, went to their room and picked up the birth certificates and international passports of his children Locked them in a safe and told her to leave his house before he got back from the office Then he got into his car and drove off in a huff She was appalled and gravely offended What audacity does he have to treat her that way? If she wanted war before, his action made her so mad that she called her lawyer and demanded that the conditions she stated earlier for the divorce should become more stringent and cruel If he felt he could move mad, she would show him what true maddness is. She moved into a airbnb with her children She reached out to the brother in Jeans and T-shirt to narrate her ordeal She said she caught her husband cheating red handed and instead of remorse, she was shown premium defiance She said she needed some financial assistance to settle her bills until she could find her feet Two weeks went by and the bills kept piling up Feeding four children and the maid daily is no joke and the bill for a two bedroom airbnb appartment for two weeks could make a dead debtor walk out of the grave in protest The Brother in Jeans and T-shirt reached out to her and told her he could no longer support her financially They must find a solution to the matter on the ground He demanded the phone number of her husband so that he could have a conversation with him He also demanded the phone number of her mother so that he could speak with her too and see how she could intervene He reached out to her husband, and they picked the next Saturday for the meeting The husband, the wife, the wife's mother and the brother in Jeans and a T-shirt attended the meeting. The wife told her story and said she noticed that even though they started very well as a couple, her husband changed suddenly in the last two years and began to club and cheat on her with different ladies, with the support of his friends. She demanded that he cut off his friends, stop clubbing and partying like a playboy and become a responsible husband to her and a father to their children; otherwise, she would go through with the divorce Her husband listened without interrupting while she spoke When she was done, he said, did you meet with Mr So and so at the polo club two years ago? The wife said, "Yes" Then he said, "Did the two of you go to So and so hotel and number such and such that same day to have sex?" The wife went quiet At this point, only the husband, the wife and the wife's mother knew what was going on The Brother in Jeans and T-shirt asked the husband who Mr So and so is The husband replied that he was the father of his wife's first child The man was her first love; she got pregnant for him, but he was too young and unprepared for the responsibility He asked her to get a divorce, but her mother advised against it He left for the USA to study medicine while she had the baby, and with the support of her family, she cared for the baby He returned home after ten years abroad, and they met by chance at the polo club She was already married to her husband and had given birth to a set of triplets for him Somehow, the sight of her first love made her forget her obligations to her husband and her vow to be faithful to him She didn't know how her husband knew or what he knew, but somehow he discovered her secret And right after her indiscretion, he began to party hard, club hard, and cheat on her unrepentantly to the point where she would see all sorts of evidence like lipstick marks, eyelashes, female hair, undies and half-drunk bottles of drinks in his car with lipstick stains on them. She never caught him red-handed until the dashcam incident. Everything went quiet. It was her mother who went on her knees first to beg The Brother In Jeans and T-shirt joined her His wife also joined with hot tears of shame and sorrow After much pleading, the husband told the wife to withdraw her divorce suit and move back home with the children. The wife said she wanted to know if her first child was still allowed in the house The husband asked her why she thought otherwise She said she noticed that when he seized the passports of their children, it was only the passports of the triplets that he took He left the passport of her first child on the table Does that mean he didn't consider the child his own? The husband laughed and said, "I am here to play my daddy role to her, but I am not her father" The wife wept Her mother consoled her. The meeting ended on a very positive note. Praise God. PS: She returned to her husband's house, and the marriage was restored In marriage, there are communications beyond words If your spouse suddenly started acting up in a strange manner, take a moment to reflect You might be the reason he or she is behaving irrationally or acting out of character He or she may not say a word, but the nonverbal communication will be evident and real It is best to deal with it immediately rather than ignore it or make excuses for it More is said in a marriage or relationship without words than with words. -GSW-