@_AshJOY

Ashley - 26 - she/they - aroace lesbian - biracial - autistic - schizoaffective disorder

Joined January 2019
  • Tweets2.3K
  • Following932
  • Followers2.4K
Reimagining partnership as an aromantic, asexual, or aspec person means finding love and intentionality in community. So many types of connection matter, NOT because they imitate romance, but because the weight and fulfillment formed in those relationships can stand on its own
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While aromantic and asexual people can have healthy partnerships, centering our acceptance and quality of life around that idea does more harm than good. We are deserving of respect and inclusion regardless of how we interact with intimacy and the actions associated with it
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While aromantic, asexual, and aspec people can engage in actions normatively associated with attraction, our worth shouldn't be centered around it. All of our voices are worth hearing and respecting regardless of how we interact with intimacy and the actions associated with it
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Queerplatonic relationships are often rejected because they dismantle the hierarchical view of partnership that's presented by amatonormativity. The idea that romantic love is an inherent priority isn't inclusive to everyone's experience, and it's important to acknowledge that
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Being aromantic, asexual, or aspec isn't about absence, it's about presence. Connecting with others on our own terms means we get to define intimacy in ways that honor our boundaries and craft meaningful relationships beyond societal expectation. I just think that's beautiful
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Asexual people are often seen as naive because of society's focus on attraction as a sign of maturity. The reality is that many of us learn who we are by reflecting on the ways intimacy is presented to us and understanding where it does or doesn't make sense with our experiences
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Aromantic and asexual identities aren't the result of unfulfilled allonormativity. Centering our quality of life around how we interact with attraction and its associates perpetuates that we're incomplete when our orientations and experiences are a part of what makes us whole
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That conclusion operates under the idea that we're "missing out" on intrinsic pieces of the human experience and thus we'll never be truly happy, but it fundamentally misunderstands the nuance that exists in our community and how we've broken down normative those concepts
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Diminishing the weight of our emotions, desires, and boundaries, in and out of relationships, because we're aroace is dehumanizing and futhers the oppressive structures that are heavily ingrained within society. Our identities aren't a burden or a sacrifice
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The overall dismissal of predominantly asexual and aromantic experiences, as well how we chose to articulate them, shows how ingrained aphobia is in society. Erasure is discrimination and, passive or not, it carries a violent weight that deserves to be taken seriously
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The idea that aromantic and asexual people "haven't met the right person yet" plays into the belief that we're missing out on intrinsic experiences and haven't truly discovered ourselves. It perpetuates that we're incomplete when our identities are a part of what makes us whole
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That statement not only tries to console us over our orientations but also ignores and invalidates those of us who are in happy partnerships and also all of us who don't want them. The validity and worth of our lives shouldn't be centered around the way we experience attraction
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A common conclusion that aphobes come to about why people identify as aromantic or asexual is that we're unattractive, which operates under the assumption that our identities are performative and is often a projection of their own misconseptions surrounding our orientations
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The allonormative framework that's ingrained into society views sex and romance as inherent to the human experience and equates those concepts with desirability. It creates a belief that one's projected attractiveness has some bearing on their personal identity, which isn't true
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To disregard the value of aromantic and asexual intimacy, and the nuances that come with it, is to be ignorant to varied social dynamics and perpetuate a hierarchical view of relationships established by harmful frameworks that aren't inclusive to everybody's experiences
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While it's possible we might express affection differently from what is socially considered normative by employing broader meanings to certain phrases and actions or choosing to not engage in what is generally expected of us, our relationships have weight to them
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Also, some aromantic and asexual people experience difficulty surrounding emotions or expression in relationships of any kind, and it's important to note that our worth shouldn't be centered around how we interact with intimacy and the ideas associated with it
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Asexuality challenges a culture that often conflates perceived desirability with sexual availability. Our identities invite reconsideration about what we're told is inherent to intimacy and attraction. Perception alone can never tell you what kind of connection someone might seek
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Intimacy as a concept must transcend traditional ideas of sex and romance. When these attractions are viewed as inherent for a deep connection, it pressures an experience onto people without giving them the tools necessary to evaluate what they actually want for themselves
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There's no wrong way to be aromantic, asexual, or aspec. Intimacy is such a diverse concept that allows for different meanings and associations based on individual desires and boundaries. All the ways in which we navigate our identities are important, and I think that's beautiful
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