shdwgamez

[Post explaining my life with Dissociative Identity Disorder] Hey guys. So I wanted to post about what I've went through and what I've tried for the last two years. When I first got diagnosed with this condition, I was so happy. I finally had an answer why I would act the way I did in certain situations, contradict myself constantly without realizing and why my memory was so bad. I embraced these "switches" and viewed them as normal which made life flow so much easier. However, as the year went by I felt DID was stigmatized in a negative way that didn't relate to my personal experience and my way to cope was now making me feel uncomfortable. My family would have court trials playing in the living room 24/7 and one case someone used DID as a way to get out of their crimes. After witnessing this, I felt like my way to cope could be seen as me avoiding responsibilities and to get out of taking accountability. Unfortunately I started suppressing my alters. Pretending my diagnosis never happened, and it lead to me getting extremely sick, depressed and daily panic attacks. I felt like my social cues disappeared. I couldn't tell the difference from tired/sleepy. Hungry/pain, fatigue/sleepy and my mind got overwhelmed. I even stayed up for over 72 hours before cause I thought I was only awake for 12 and kept drinking energy drinks and pop to stay awake. I literally couldn't tell when it was time to sleep. I went to the doctor and now I've been swapped to non stimulate medication for ADHD, went back on my sleeping med and started an antidepressant. Every day is a challenge when I supress how I feel and I need to start embracing my other personalities again to feel human and alive. If my condition makes you uncomfortable I'm so sorry. I really am. I wish I never experienced the childhood trauma I went through and wish I could forget it and hope when I embrace my alters again my memories of those traumatic experiences with be locked away again. I love you guys so much and I tried to pretend I don't have this condition. But doing that only hurt me much more than I could have imagined. There's obviously so much more that has happened but this sums it up okay. Thank you so much for reading and I hope this insight on my life doesn't change the way you view me going forward <3