"The Dr. Phil for widowers and widows." Author of 9 books including The Wife in the Next Life, Room for Two, and Dating a Widower. Father of 7. Runner.
Utah, USA
Joined January 2009
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New cover. New edition. No easy answers, no neat resolution. Same unflinching, raw story. Just two people choosing to move forward without all the answers.
The Wife in the Next Life is out now — a true love story about falling for someone before you have any of the answers, and choosing marriage anyway.
Reach Chapter 1 at abelkeogh.com/#/the-wife-in-…
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My next newsletter drops this weekend, which includes an announcement of my new book! Get your copy by signing up at the link below. You'll also get the first chapter of Dating a Widower: Starting a Relationship with a Man Who’s Starting Over when you sign up for my (usually) monthly newsletter. abelkeogh.com/newsletter-2
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Should you treat a widower differently than a divorced man?
A reader asked: "Abel, I met a widower, and we clicked right away. He'd been on superficial dates, and then he met me. That's when the guilt hit him for the first time. Now he's pulled back to get spiritual help. I'm giving him space while he heals. Should I be treating this differently than I would a regular single man?"
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I know it's hard to step back from someone when the chemistry is that good, but pay attention to his actions—not the spark. Pulling back means he's not ready to open his heart. And if he's not ready, there’s nothing you can do about it.
What you can do is step back, live your life, and let him figure things out. When or if he’s ready to open his heart, he’ll reach out.
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I’m Abel Keogh, a remarried widower, relationship coach, and author of the book “Dating a Widower: Starting a Relationship with a Man Who’s Starting Over.” Learn more at abelkeogh.com.
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Had the opportunity to listen to Arthur Brooks in-person a couple weeks ago. Well worth my time. Want to be happier? Read on ⬇️⬇️⬇️
The happiest people I've met don't necessarily have the easiest lives or the most impressive accomplishments. But they tend to have four things in common:
-They take their faith or life philosophy seriously.
-They invest in their family relationships.
-They cultivate real friendships.
-They find meaning in work that creates value and serves others.
These are the four areas of life worth paying attention to if you want to live a more fulfilling life.
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A mile into my run this morning, I realized my cadence matched "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers. Now I can't get the song out of my head.
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Another crazy win for the Broncos over the Chiefs and another week of my boys telling me I need more faith. Every week I think it's over and am ready to tune out while they're on the edge of their seats telling me a comeback is inevitable. Every week they're right and I'm wrong. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.
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What could go wrong?
The NBA has reached deals with Kalshi and Polymarket to make them the league's preferred prediction markets partners. The companies can now use NBA IP on their platforms, while the NBA gets right of approval on markets that they offer. That and more:
nytimes.com/athletic/7723134…
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"Ambiguity is not romance."
I had only one boyfriend before I went to college, and while in college I met this man, he was almost 6 years older than me. He was funny, charming, and I liked him right away.
I was very innocent, I had no idea of the ins and outs of the dating world. I had never dated.
In high school I met a boy in my class and the rest just followed, no games, no second guessing, no nonsense. This time I was in for the shock of my life.
We clearly liked each other and spend time together, he would tell me the sweetest of things about how special I was, how it made his day to see me… but he never made me his girlfriend.
I was stuck on this man the entire 4 years I spend in college. I didn’t date anyone else, I didn’t like anyone else. I didn’t seek anyone else. Because I could not get over this man.
Now looking back and writing this, it is painful to see how stupid I was. I just remember being so utterly confused. We liked each other, we really enjoyed spending time and doing things together what the heck else did this man need or want???
I was asking all the wrong questions, clearly, he didn’t want anything else because he was getting exactly all that he wanted without having to do anything that I wanted, and needed.
Women now spend years stuck on men like these. He might officially call you his girlfriend but he will never marry you, he will never fully commit.
Women will spend 5,6,7… years waiting around just like I did, for nothing to come out of it.
He didn’t want anything more, because he already had everything he wanted. And so who cared about what I wanted? He never had to offer me security or commitment to get all that he wanted, so why would he?
He wasn’t confused.
I was.
The world is filled with men like these. Greedy enough to consume all of the land to get what they want, never willing to take a stand, never willing to get any skin in the game. They will waste your time, and they will have no moral qualms about it. A man serious about you will never, and I seriously mean, never play these games about you, and that is because he will care about you, and not just about himself. And a man that cares about you does not waste your time, your youth, your virtues and your heart.
Ambiguity is not romance. And it certainly is not love.
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