Phil Coulson

Was going to return to Twitter earlier but it was down. I get the hint, Twitter. #backtowork #marriedtomyjob

...I always return in the midst of or the aftermath of some sort of chaotic event. #tonightIamreferring #toDrStrange

[raises hand for @TehStarkMan] His ego is more bearable than the Yeti's. @starkdrive

Thor requires sustenance. Heading out to join him for lunch. #backinabit

#MyLastWordsBeforeIDie "It's okay, boss."

Recruitment. Paperwork. Keeping Stark from ruining his life and the city simultaneously. #thingsthatkeptmeoffline

@AsgardThunder And I appreciate the help in looking after him! Erm, I guess his name is "Merlin" now. #blamedrstrange

[long, heavy sigh] I should just bury myself in paperwork.

Have to go take fire breathing squirrel out for a walk. #agentoffline #backlater

@AsgardThunder Well...I may have to leave the squirrel at Avengers HQ every so often when I'm busy with work... #youcanplaywithitthen

So now I have a pet fire breathing squirrel that needs to be named? Thank you, Dr. Strange. Truly...thank you. #not #whathaveyoudone

@lokilaufeyysonn Thank you, Loki. #nosurprises?

When you're the only one in the room, true. “@starkdrive: Even when I "ugly laugh," I'm still the most attractive guy in the room."

@_SoPlainJane_ A cake with my fists coming out of them? Perhaps.

A few Lokis have already threatened my life again. Do I need bodyguards? No, just give me a bag of flour.

#Starkipedia article: "Daddy Issues: How to Live with Them and Still Develop An Ego"

#Starkipedia term: "Supernanny: (noun) 1. Agent Phil Coulson 2. TV show"

And I just realized that @CptSpangled's and @starkdrive's bios claim I'm the hero. I...need a moment. #passthetissues