it’s been 5 years, and i still haven’t recovered from all the damage that you left behind, pa. sometimes, i wonder if i’ll ever truly heal from everything that happened. i’ve spent so much time trying to make sense of things i still can’t fully understand, learning how to live with the pain while pretending that it doesn’t affect me as much as it actually does. the truth is, you’ve taken a part of me with you when you were gone, pa. this grief has eaten me alive, day and night, until i barely recognize the person i’ve become. i’ve lost the person i used to be, and some days, it feels like i’m nothing but an empty shell, filled with anger, pain, and disappointment, stuck in a loop i don’t know how to escape. five years have passed, yet there are still days when it feels like i’m standing in the exact same place, carrying the same pain, trying to make peace with a loss that has changed so much of who i am. i keep hoping that time will eventually make things easier, but i’m beginning to understand that some wounds don’t simply disappear just because the years keep passing. and maybe that’s what hurts the most, pa. the world has continued to move forward, and time has carried me into years i never imagined having to live without you, yet a part of me is still trying to find its way through everything you left behind. there’s so much i wish i could tell you, so much i wish you could have witnessed, and so many days when i wish i could just sit beside you and feel, even for a little while, that everything is going to be okay eventually. my dear papa, one day, when my last breath finally comes, i want you to be there. i want you to hold me in your embrace, so i may rest knowing that oblivion is not something i should be afraid of, but rather something that feels like a sigh of relief. i miss you, pa. more than these words could ever explain. so see you when i see you, pa.

martin #마틴 for acuvue (text removed)

— 2126

keonho with his eepy tin hyung ㅠㅠ