Allie Levitan

Me all week: 🤬🤬🤬😡😡😡😓😓😓😓😰😰😱😱😨😨😨🥶🤯🥵😭😭😱😫👹👹👹👹👹👹🤒🤒👿👿🥱🥱🥱😱😱🥶🥶🥶🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 Me during the 45 minutes that I pay for therapy: 🤠

Texting my ex on Cyber Monday

The new walk of shame is when you finally clean your room and have to carry the 7-9 cups of undrunk liquid past your roommates and into the kitchen

Happy international women’s day to my grandfathers second wife, Martita!

Making an HBO docuseries following everyone who’s received this card

What if there was just one subway line that was actually a roller coaster. We all strap in and have the time of our lives

“Wait, oh my god” - me realizing that I’m sad

Just realized everyone who is currently super old was once young. Lots to consider!

I wish there was a podcast like The Daily but for the love life of Jojo Siwa

When the TSA agent tells me to lower my mask it’s like, okay emotional or physical? I’m an actress, not a mind reader

Sitting next to first dates are awesome. This guy just asked a girl if she owned a stove

When a stranger in a coffee shop asks me to keep their computer and backpack safe while their in the bathroom I’m like, okay this is the plot of Raising Helen

Some days I trust myself and other days I remember when I was 16 and spent all my money on this wall stencil:

If a shoe takes more than 3 seconds to put on then that is not a shoe that’s a corset

April rocks because you keep waiting to feel the joy you were promised and then it’s May

He could ruin my life

Everyday I am humbled by how little I can handle 😇🙏🏼

Hanging out with a happy couple is awesome because if a murderer burst into the room and demanded to take someone, they’d both choose you