I mean, I think I’m funny so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Joined August 2019
- Tweets105
- Following54
- Followers26
- Likes73
ashley retweeted
I didn't realize I was supposed to know how to do everything by my second rodeo. That's still a very low number of rodeos.
It’s always “can I buy you a drink” and never “can I buy you an ice cream cone” and frankly I’m sick of it
ashley retweeted
my most american take is that fahrenheit is actually superior to celsius in a practical, human sense.
like 100 is hot and 0 is cold, that’s so straightforward. if it’s a nice day it’s essentially 65%-70% hot out. like duh it just makes sense
ashley retweeted
Last year, a coworker randomly asked me to hand-deliver an antique violin across the country. I said yes, because why not. I had no idea what I was getting into, and now I need your help. A 🧵
why was it easier to find an open washing machine when I lived in a dorm of 300+ than now with a single roommate 🫠😭
ashley retweeted
10 year old me would be extremely disappointed to learn I have to drink fruity little drinks because I can’t shoot whiskey
people out here popping the question and popping out babies, meanwhile I’m still out here popping zits 🫠
Sean Kingston, beautiful girls:
What I heard: them all these beautiful girls, they only want the new hors d’oeuvres
The lyrics: damn all these beautiful girls, they only wanna do you dirt #MisheardLyrics
It's Hashtags time! In honor of the Grammy Awards this Sunday, tweet out a funny song lyric that you or someone you know misunderstood. Could be on the show! #MisheardLyrics
ashley retweeted
If you get arrested and you go to jail and you’re wearing your contacts but like you need to take them out at night and u don’t have your glasses on you then are they gonna give you opti free or just let you be blind or will they let someone bring your glasses or no
Facebook be like: you’re not on here enough. Let’s now send you a notification any time ANY “friend” posts ANYTHING 🙄🤮