Dexter Barbay

This week is Veterans Day week, and I’ll be honest, it hits different when you get older. I’m 40 now (25 in millennial years), and it’s been almost 10 years since I left the Air Force. And to be blunt, this is the stretch of life where that “22 Veterans a day” stat stops being a stat. It’s a completely different thing when it’s your friends. We talk a lot about how hard it is to transition out of the military. It’s another thing to actually live it. We also need to be brutally honest about how many Veterans have a complicated relationship with their time in service. Everyone’s experience is different. Some fought on the front lines, some never deployed, but every one of us raised our right hand for this country. For me personally, my service was some of the best times of my life… and also some of the worst. Both things can be true at the same time. When I left active duty, I didn’t just transition. I ran away. I put everything I owned in a storage unit, used my GI Bill to learn how to sail, and literally sailed away. (Running away via boat is very on brand for me, I realize.) There are two chapters of my life I’ve never really shared, at least not fully. The first: while I was on active duty, I had a devastating hand injury. I managed to hit an artery, tendon and a nerve at home and a quick tourniquet saved my life. Not combat related, but I spent several months recovering at Walter Reed, and during that time I met some of the bravest men and women I’ve ever known. People who came home with life-altering injuries, and who didn’t just recover, they fought to thrive. Nothing humbles you faster than sitting there with a bad hand, surrounded by people who gave so much more. I think about them often. After the military, I bounced back. I launched the company of my dreams… and then COVID lockdowns took it all away. So I packed up again, moved back to Washington, DC, and started over in a world we were all still figuring out. That’s when I went to work at Veterans Affairs. (Quick note: nothing I say here represents the VA or any agency I’ve worked for. This is just Josh talking.) Once again, I saw firsthand what Veterans are up against, and how hard so many people in that system are working to help them. And it was during that time that I hit my own wall. I got one of the worst cases of shingles you can imagine, and combined with a stack of medications I never should have been on, I had to step away. I made the choice to use a VA program and spend about 30 days recovering in a VA facility. To this day, it’s the best personal decision I’ve ever made. In there, I met Veterans who were truly at the bottom. Lost everything. In real crisis. And they were clawing their way back, one day at a time. I still keep in touch with a lot of them. And some of them lost their own battle. So why am I sharing all this? A few reasons: 1) If you’re a Veteran and you’re struggling, physically or mentally, there are resources, and there’s a system built to try to catch you. Use it. Never be embarrassed to use it. It can save your life. The VA will never be perfect, but it takes a lot of unfair criticism. Sign up for the healthcare. Sign up for the benefits. The number one thing I hear from my friends is that they feel guilty signing up, like someone else needs it more. That’s bullshit. You served. Go get the help and benefits you earned. And support doesn’t only look like the VA anymore. There’s a whole new-age support system out there. I’m a big gamer and, let’s be honest, chronically online, and Discord communities have become one of the best ways for Veterans to find their people. Groups like @RegimentGG are building exactly that. Even if you’re just lurking and watching at first, it still helps. You’re around people who get it. 2) If you’re a Veteran, use this week to check on your buddies. Text them (or call them if you are a non-millennial). Text everyone you can remember and just say hi. You have no idea how much a simple text can mean to someone who’s quietly hanging on. Whatever you went through, we went through it together, in a way most Americans will never fully understand. And if you’re the one struggling, reach out to your buddies, or DM me. There are people genuinely rooting for you. No matter how far down you are, there’s always a path back. 3) If you’re not a Veteran, thank someone for their service. A lot of Veterans will kind of shrug it off. But trust me, it feels good. 4) If you are a Veteran, go get that free stuff. Seriously. Make the rounds. This year I’m going with a few Veteran buddies and turning it into a whole day. The country wants to say thank you, so let it. Go have some fun! There’s a lot of noise out there right now. A lot of anger and pessimism. But if there’s one thing the last three years taught me, it’s this: find your support system. Lock in. Find the people who are optimistic about life, the ones who are rooting for you. There are more of them than you think. America is the greatest nation in the world because of the men and women who raised their right hand for it. And I’m going to spend this whole week highlighting Veterans on here. There are so many I follow who give me real inspiration, just to name a few: @stumpysaid, who reminds me daily that my gym gains need to be better @happycaptain, who shows me the amazing work still being done to lead our newest military members @bworthdasyrup, who reminds me how much humor we can find in our service @RegimentGG, building community for Veterans one Discord server at a time Go follow them. And drop the Veterans who inspire you in the comments, I'll amplify them this week and bug other big name creators to do the same. Happy Veterans Day week. Now go text and call your buddies, they miss you.