@cmdcwriting

I'm the reason your life feels incomplete between purchases. #copywriter

 Calgary, Alberta
commandc.ca
Joined April 2011
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181Media
Stream of consciousness on Thanksgiving. Wow! I ate a lot. A lot a lot. Like now feels like a like a good time to take up competitive eating. Not for the competition. No, just so I could eat even more next year. Our moms like to see us eat and eat.
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It’s a nice compliment for all the hard work. But where is the line? Would she like it if I chugged the gravy boat and inhaled 12 pounds of a 20 pound turkey. No, that would make her worry. Cross off that idea.
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You can’t spell tariffs without FFS
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Stream of consciousness on massages. I’m talking about registered massage therapists. I guess both kinds touch people they normally wouldn’t. But what a strange profession. I don’t know what they get out of it. Is it the way oily muscles move around that’s appealing?
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What if the client doesn’t have any muscle tone? It would feel like kneading a giant slippery pizza. But if you didn’t have any muscles, why would you get a massage? Marbled muscles are more tender. Cannibals would know.
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Stream of consciousness on the godamn wasp that just stung me. Why is nature so mean? I was just sitting there and pinched him behind my knee. What about the backside of my knee was so appealing? Wasps are jerks. Sure they protect crops and pollinate flowers.
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Wait, is that more important than what I do? It probably is. I mean, copywriting is useful to businesses. But I wouldn’t eat rotten meat like a wasp does. And what I do does not prevent harmful bacteria from polluting the water supply.
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Stream of consciousness on Olympics. I watched skulls last week. What a name for rowing, right, “skulls”? I wonder if it got its name from a chase involving two pirates and a row boat? Now, that’s something the Olympics should consider, pirate costumes!
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I’d watch any event involving costumes, or big wooden ships and cannons. But I’ll watch any sport really. I just wish they all had cool names like “skulls.” Ok, I just found out it’s spelled “sculls.” #olympics2024
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During a solar eclipse, the gaps between leaves on trees act as multiple pinhole cameras, and each gap projects its own crescent-shaped image of the eclipsed sun onto the ground. 📹gottigreen
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Stream of consciousness on New Year’s resolutions… I updated my portfolio yesterday. Check! All the weight loss, read more, get more sleep ones are fine for most of us. Did you ever think about scientists’ New Year’s resolutions, though? I wonder if it’s just “cure cancer”
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The stakes are pretty high for them. When December rolls around, most of us are like, “Oh well, still didn’t eat much kale.” For them, a lot of hand wringing: “Jesus, only 31 days to cure cancer.” – at Calgary, Alberta
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Stream of consciousness on office Christmas parties. Agency ones are the best. The train wreck bar is set so high you can’t see it from ground level. Good times. I’ve been to some weird ones too. This one time someone brought a raw chicken as a secret Santa gift.
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It just sat there on the table for hours. It was wrapped, but still, gross right? He kept it in the fridge until the gift exchange. I wonder if he actually thought someone was going to take it home and eat it? You don’t mess around with salmonella. – at Calgary, Alberta
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Incredible news: our video, "To be an Albertan," was awarded silver in the Cannes Corporate Media & TV Awards for the Tourism Films – Regions category! What an honour to see our film listed among the winners of so many talented creatives for this prestigious international award.
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Stream of consciousness on…uh…scorpions. Why not? Those little critters somehow got all the weapons of the animal kingdom: crab pinchers and stingray tails and spider legs. I wouldn’t want to mess with them if I was a bug. – at Calgary, Alberta
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Luckily I’m a taller than average man, so I’m not afraid of them. But if I slept in scorpion country I’d be afraid they’d sleep in my shoes or sting my eyes while I was sleeping. Correction: I am afraid of scorpions. – at Calgary, Alberta
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Wow, UCP let a crazy canvasser loose in my neighborhood. She told me Kenney was a socialist and the CBC was controlled by the New World Order. I had to look it up: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Wo… – at Calgary, Alberta

New World Order conspiracy theory - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org
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Doors are opening for me guys! What I spend on eyeliner every month is a mortgage payment for some people. Am I willing to work for pewter pentagrams? Does a black rose have thorns?
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You know what I found out? Death metal songs have lyrics. I assumed all the “raw graw graw graw” stuff was just menacing gibberish. – at Calgary, Alberta
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