Lisa 🩷💜💙

People don’t resent their martyr moms just because they “never became their own person.” That’s certainly part of it—missing the chance to watch your parent model the courage to become actualized makes it difficult for the child to navigate Self fulfillment in the future—but it’s more than that. They resent them because they weaponize generosity that no one asked them for. Have you ever encountered someone so desperate to be helpful they become invasive and controlling? Have you ever watched someone repeatedly sacrifice themselves in ways you don’t actually need and then ridicule you for not being grateful? Martyr mothers don’t just sacrifice for their children; they sacrifice in ways that are often easier to face than what is actually needed from them. They put bandaids on bullet holes and reprimand you for not thanking them. I have a saying: “it’s only help if it’s helpful.” Some people will offer only what is most convenient for them and call it generosity. Some people will offer you help in ways that you don’t actually need. And when it comes to parenting, your children’s needs are Everything. You’re the only one who can fulfill them. And often what they need is for you to do the hardest thing you could possibly imagine.