cristopher

suzie crabgrass from ned’s declassified school survival guide is playing Selena im already in love

imagine getting offended by cartoon rats having a deep love for each other

alexa play i miss you by blink-182

i’d probably still adore you with your hands around my neck

all you want is nikeeeees

when Jaden Smith was 12 years old on Never Say Never with Justin Bieber and he said “no pun intended, was raised by the power of Will” that was the day that music changed forever

i’m not really superstitious but I made up this thing called “supersuition”. when I lose something I’ll say “honey where’s my super [insert item here]” like Frozone from the Incredibles and i’ll find it within thirty seconds. it works for everything except finding my will to live

it all works somehow in the end

me talking about myself: ▶ 🔘──────── 00:03 me talking about Frank Ocean: ▶ 🔘──────── ∞

when your friend invites you to a party with people you don’t really know and then they suddenly disappear on you xitter.gq/BarstoolWazzu/status/9…

frustrated because male ladybugs aren’t actually called gentlemenbugs. how am I supposed to explain that one to my kids

Name Brand vs. Great Value

Brock Turner raped a girl, only served three months of jail time, and now wants an appeal because he technically raped her NEAR a dumpster, not BEHIND a dumpster wow xitter.gq/cnn/status/93705251824…

#NotMySexiestManAlive xitter.gq/popcrave/status/930638…

this is the presidential equivalent of getting rejected by a girl and then saying "you're ugly anyway" xitter.gq/realdonaldtrump/status…

sugar, spice, and very thicc thighs xitter.gq/cnnphilippines/status/…

lock me tf up xitter.gq/etalkctv/status/908386…

These hurricanes got everyone preparing for the second coming of Christ while I'm out here on the lookout for my girl Aquamarine

this is about the dumbest thing I've ever read on Twitter and my tweets are pretty dumb xitter.gq/cloydrivers/status/905…