Satoshi Guacamolo 🕊

Nobody tells you what Bitcoin actually does to you. They tell you it goes up. They tell you it goes down. They tell you it’s volatile. Nobody tells you that one day you’ll understand it just enough that the old world stops looking real. That’s the part that gets you, and it usually starts harmlessly. Some guy you vaguely respect says, “You should really look into Bitcoin.” You smirk. You say "tulips". Maybe Beanie Babies. Maybe “backed by nothing.” You feel intelligent. This feeling lasts approximately two weeks. Then one night you decide you’re finally going to prove him wrong. Just an hour. That’s all. You open one article. Then another. Then a podcast. Then another podcast. Then suddenly it’s 3:18 in the morning, Michael Saylor is explaining thermodynamic money for the sixth consecutive hour, your phone is at 4%, and something deep inside your understanding of reality has begun making a very unpleasant noise. You came looking for the flaw in Bitcoin. Instead you found the flaw in everything else. That’s the trap. Bitcoin itself is almost offensively simple. Twenty-one million. A schedule. Rules without rulers. Fine. You can understand the basic idea over a weekend. But then Bitcoin turns around, grabs you by the back of the skull, and forces you to look at the thing you’ve spent your entire life measuring everything with. Money. And that’s when your problems begin. Because now you have questions. Why does money lose purchasing power? Who creates it? Who gets the new money first? Why does every financial crisis somehow end with more currency, more debt, more intervention, and somebody on television calling it “stability”? Why does the house your grandfather bought on one income now require two incomes, a 30-year mortgage, perfect credit, and a small blood sacrifice? Why is everyone running faster just to stand still? And why did nobody explain any of this in school? You start reading monetary history like a detective who has just realized the murder weapon has been sitting on the table the entire time. Then comes the unbearable phase. You start seeing it everywhere. Your coworker complains that groceries are expensive. You see monetary debasement. Your friend says housing is unaffordable. You start thinking in scarce units. Someone celebrates a 4% raise. Your brain immediately subtracts inflation. Your parents tell you they’re “conservative” because they keep most of their savings in cash. You physically feel your soul leave your body. You become completely insufferable. This is mandatory. Every Bitcoiner goes through it. Your uncle says Bitcoin isn’t backed by anything. You have been waiting six months for this moment. Your pupils dilate. Someone reaches for the mashed potatoes. Too late. You are now explaining proof-of-work, monetary salability, the history of gold, sovereign debt, and why his pension is a promise denominated in a unit somebody else can create. Nobody asked. The turkey is cold. Your wife has left the table. You are drawing charts on a napkin. You think you are helping. You are not helping. Eventually the fever breaks. And then something much stranger happens. You stop arguing. Because you realize Bitcoin doesn’t need you to defend it. And neither does math. So you just start noticing things. A new car? That’s Bitcoin. A bigger house? Bitcoin. An expensive vacation? Bitcoin. Every purchase quietly develops a second price in your head. A price in cold, hard Sats. And suddenly the entire consumer economy feels like it was designed by people trying to separate you from scarce assets using monthly payments. Then you make your first real buy. Not the $50 curiosity purchase... the one where you actually feel it. You hit confirm and stare at the screen. Your heart is beating harder than it should be. Nothing visibly happened. No truck arrived and no banker called. There was no certificate that came in the mail. Just numbers. And yet some primitive part of your brain understands this very fundamental message: "I OWN THIS." No central bank can discover another trillion units underneath a couch cushion. MINE. Then you learn self-custody. You hold a hardware wallet in your hand and realize this stupid little object can contain the keys to wealth that can cross a border in your head. You write twelve words onto steel. Twelve ridiculous little words. And suddenly your entire relationship with the concept of ownership itself changes. That’s when Bitcoin starts feeling like an exit. From the quiet assumption that your time must be stored in something somebody else controls. And that realization hurts. Because now you look at people you love differently. Not with contempt. That phase is over. With sadness. You watch people work. REALLY work. Thirty years. Forty years. Early mornings, bad bosses, missed weekends, and back pain. Commutes in the dark. They trade pieces of their finite life for money… and then store that money in things designed to leak. And when you try to point at the leak, they think you’re the crazy one. So eventually you stop pointing. You stop evangelizing, and you definitely stop trying to win arguments. You buy. You hold. You live your life. Years pass and you become quiter. Then one summer afternoon you’re standing at a barbecue. Someone you love walks over. Beer in one hand, hot dog in the other. They look around first, like they don’t want anyone else to hear. Then they say: “Hey… you’re still into Bitcoin, right?” And every late night comes rushing back. Every podcast, argument, and chart. Every time you thought you were losing your mind because the entire financial world suddenly looked upside down. You look at them and you smile. Because you know exactly what happens next. They still think they’re asking about an investment. They have absolutely no idea what they’re about to learn about money. Nobody warned you either.

“You just want Bitcoin to make you rich without working.” Yes, after working, paying taxes, paying sales tax with the money left after taxes, and paying property tax to continue occupying the thing I bought with taxed money, I would enjoy owning something scarce. I apologize if this threatens your beautiful vision of me answering emails until my organs fail. bitcoin:native