Damilola Coker

"You two are living together. Tell me more about that," I said in my office. "We already know it's not Biblical," the bride-to-be said. "Okay. Say more." "What do you mean? I'm saying we know cohabitation isn't Biblical." "Yeah that's what's confusing me. When you asked to meet, you told me you wanted a pastor who shares your Biblical values to do your wedding, but now you're telling me you knowing don't live according to Biblical values? Tell me about how you decided to cohabitate." "Well, we know what the Bible says about marriage and sex, but my lease was up and if I moved in with my parents it'd be a 45 minute drive and if I got my own place again, it'd be a waste of thousands of dollars." "Ah. So time and money are your gods." "No they aren't, we're Christians." "Maybe. But it seems like you're not - a god is what tells you how to live. You chose to listen to time and money on sex and cohabitation instead of Jesus. Which is your god?" "Does this mean you won't do our wedding?" "I didn't say that. But, you did say you wanted a pastor. That's why we're here. I'm a pastor, not a hireling wedding officiant. Do you want a pastor or a vender for your wedding?" "A pastor." "Okay, great. Then here's my concern for you: you've developed a habit of hardening your hearts against the authority of Scripture and the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Today, if you hear his voice, don't harden your hearts as they did in the rebellion. You said your Christians, I'll take your word for it right now, but you need to repent and move out until your wedding night. Jesus will certainly forgive if you repent and he'll cleanse you from all unrighteousness." "Okay. So, if we don't do this then you won't do our wedding?" "You're missing the point here. You're not even close to worried enough about what God thinks or says. My job as a pastor is to help you care about what God says, not get you to care about what I say.” “Okay.” “Do you have anything to say?” I said to the Groom-To-Be. “No.” “That’s a bummer. You’re not going to lead this family if you have nothing to say.” “Okay.” “Alright. Well, you have a lot to think about. If you want a pastor, I’d be happy to be a part of your wedding. If you want a vendor, let me know. More important than your wedding is your relationship with Jesus. Is He your God or not? Think and pray together.” *an email three days later* “We’ve decided to go a different direction.” — Some thoughts: 1. My heart breaks for those who make time and money their god. This idolatry is oppressive. 2. I’d for sure officiate the wedding of two non-Christians. As long as they’re okay with me telling the truth about what marriage is and who and what it’s for, I’m in. This is a 10/10 evangelism opportunity straight out of Eph 5:32. 3. But, two professing Christians who are sinning highhandedly? No. “For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside.” 1 Co 5:12–13).