Dan Zender

We are all made of star stuff.

My family is all about tradition. After thanksgiving dinner, we exchange disease-ridden blankets, and claim eachothers property as our own.

Damn girl, do I need contacts, or is your face just all messed up?

The guy in the song "splish splash" is clueless. What kinda fool doesn't know there's a party going on in their own home?

FACT: Hoosiers are addicted to explicit cornographic material. #cornporn #corny #stupid

All those fireworks in the Gatsby trailer are CG. Just sayin... #phoneys

"Oh look, they saved us a spot." - middle aged people at any parking lot.

Theory: Bono was forged from harmful a chemical by-product, of another more harmful chemical by-product. #musictheorys

I'm not a Paganist, I'm a Saganist.

Tweet. #hashtag

"Yea, excuse me, but does this actually have extra cheese on it?" -Americans

Now, whenever I lift somthing above my head "The Circle of Life" plays through my head.

"My sores are festering more than usual. Have your finest courtesan fetch some warm water, it's time for my monthly wash." #ancientbathtimes

"Life in the carpool lane, conserve a little fuel each time." #Eaglesfirstdraft

Multiple lightbulbs are burnt out at my place. It gives my apt that dim, eye-straining, basement look everyone is going for nowadays. Right?

My computer was raised by a single, hard working motherboard of two. So when she's moving slow, I cut her a break. #nerdjoke

To be a DJ, is really just having over confidence in your own music tastes. And then forcing people to listen.

I transcend race. That's why I dont watch nascar.

I went to an Indigo Girls show once, expecting it to be a female version of the Blueman group. Boy, was I severly mistaken... #mattschlimgen

You are the clean porcelain toilet, and i am the turd within. #modernpeotry