e.b. | chicago

A race as tight as my dress. Tomorrow, remember to vote with your wallet to elect me Secretary of the Posterior

Silly civvies. The tricks ARE the treats.

You're two whiskeys deep into Friday night. Don’t make any decisions you’ll regret in the morning. Make one you'll be fantasizing about all week...

You Can See Everything... But not in theaters Private screenings only ...and she never fakes a single drop

Funny the idea that men book a provider for the sex. A lot of the time it's Friday, it's been a lot of week. He just wants 2 hours where nobody asks him to circle back for that status update. Sex happens to be a benefit I offer. Like an extra bonus. A very good bonus.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. But for the other parts of you, it just makes things grow harder... doesn't it?

Its a rough time to be a rimjob

Happy World Octopus Day! Fun fact: I once won a pair of Louboutins in a bet with a client about the plural of "octopus." He was hell-bent on it being "octopi" the moral: don't challenge e.b. on words when shoes are on the line (nb he claims he knew. he likes buying me shoes)

Myth: the hard part of this job is the sex. Reality: The hard part is reading an intro email that says "i'm pretty normal" and knowing within thirty seconds this man wants to be stepped on in a squid costume.

cuffing season? more like cucking season just kidding. cucking is always in season

You Can See Everything Cumming soon 🎥🎬🎞️

Merry Bunny Day to those who celebrate (which is all of you if you follow me.) Feel free to buy my rabbits a present at Small Pet Select or anything in size 38 at the Louboutin Store.

Did I ghost you? No! I swear! I appreciate your patience. I’ve had a family matter to tend to But I’m back to my inbox today…An exercise I’m excited for and dreading in equal measure As I wade through the mess, please say hello to the newest member of said family, Donk Ke.

Usher in the era of the AI client

👑💔 How lucky we were to have her.

Business in the front…

At some point, by the end of July and all its heatwaves, and you’ve finished getting railed in sundresseses… you change your outfit. August will not be cooling down.

One of those indoor play gyms did this and now I am too! “Play while you wait” DMV dates! Get your Real ID! Renew your license early! Be thrown out for lewdness while applying for your tank driving permit! And if there’s a longer line, get in it! Its YOUR playground!