Ela Crain

Do someone a favour often enough and you may find yourself having to explain why you stopped.

How free are you to choose if you have to do the opposite of what people expect?

Do you still want to pursue that ambition, or would you just hate explaining why you've changed your mind?

Everything you did today needed doing. How much of it needed to be done by you?

Can you want something impressive without having to justify it? Try it. Today.

If you say “no problem” every time, how will anyone know there's a problem?

Knowing why you keep doing something is useful. What will you do differently next time?

Are you still updating everyone on that plan from a decade ago, while fantasising about another one? Would you still choose it today?

You offer to help. Then you do it again. Eventually, everyone plans around you doing it. Can you skip a week?

Every unspoken boundary becomes a debt and someone eventually collects it, often you.

How free are you to choose if you have to do the opposite of what people expect?

True. There's always something you could work on. You could be more patient, communicate better, take things less personally. But not every problem is something you need to fix about yourself.

Being the first to notice what needs doing doesn't mean you have to be the one who does it.

You don't owe someone every yes because you're grateful for what they've done.

Before deciding you need to become a better partner, ask whether you're the only one trying.

You used to say yes to everything; now you refuse to compromise. You used to chase success; now you want everyone to know you don't care about it. What can you choose differently that you couldn't before?

Resentment is often a no you never said.

A house cannot be renovated before it is cleaned out.