Matt Grote

Two months ago my therapist told me to quit my day job and pursue comedy, and today I'm proud to announce that we're both unemployed.

Who needs bread with all this circus?

ROM could be a lil deeper but putting up 928# after a threshold swim session and 4x1 mi run ain't half bad

Having friends is saying shit like "I'm such a Trisha Paytas" and them being like "you're not that outgoing"

2025 out/in #newyears #resolutions

Finally! Sick of buying 8 kinds of single purpose sand.

Damn it

Gonna start calling my boyfriend "bro" the way straight people say "babe"

I drew Garfield

My favorite New York trope is Very Hot Pipe. Sometimes there is a very hot pipe in your apartment. That's just how it is! Don't touch it 🙂

Self fulfillment but it's just making your chest as large as possible

Came in first, second and third in the being a little bitch competition

Babe just ask Lindsay Graham for his escort service, you can't be out here in public like this begging for it

Tired: gym on Thanksgiving cause of body dysmorphia Wired: gym on Thanksgiving cause you're the only person in your family who works out and you can escape for a break

Say what you will about dads, they sure love saving old meat in ziplock bags

Track your progress with a shirt Also migrating to the other app, @MattGrote there

In spite of the horrors it was still chest day

They named a protein bar after me

Got therapy tomorrow, should I pretend I don't know the election happened?

I hate how much sense this makes to me