FGM

As a guy I feel more awkward going into a Home Goods by myself than a Victoria’s Secret.

Everybody’s got a favorite burner right? Can’t be just me.

Do you see your ex-spouses in heaven? Or people you really didn’t care for? And when you see them you’re like Ah jeez not this guy again.

It’s nice to not having to really stress during the day about work or family issues or any anxieties or the thing that you said 15 years ago at some party because I know at about 3am I’ll be addressing them one by one.

Does it enrage you when the toilet paper doesn’t rip off clean? Or are you a normal person?

I find it very uncomfortable to make eye contact with someone who has just exited the bathroom. And I hold my breath as they pass.

If you frequent a place like a coffee shop train stop or whatever and you see the same person there on a regular basis. At what point is it appropriate to acknowledge each other? And why is the answer never?

If you’re a dentist and you see someone flossing in public does it disgust you or are you happy that the flosser is taking dental hygiene seriously?

I appreciate that X gives me over an hour to edit my posts. As if I have that type of attention span. Thank you nevertheless.

I like how we call anything dealing with taxes Tax Treatment. Like it’s some sort of delicate mysterious thing that we have to be really careful with so we don’t die.

Is home insurance a scam? Why make a distinction betw a water pipe that bursts and a consistent leak? An absolute scam.

Genoa hard salami is the best cold cut. It’s the Snickers of cold cuts.

Where are you in your relationship when your spouse or sig other says to you “Please be normal” before any social interaction? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Short of lightning why do people immediately think to get out of the pool when it rains?

Have you ever had a coach try to motivate you by yelling You can rest when you’re dead! Can they even say that anymore?

So no one’s been named Aaron since this came out right?

Accidentally put my socks on before my pants and I got mentally disjointed. Something about wearing socks when naked or semi naked that feels vaguely sinister.

In light of Holy Week I’m wondering what type of clientele I would get if I opened an exercise business called Pontius Pilates. With the tag What is Truth If Not a Nicely Stabilized Pelvis.

Whenever I missed lunch I called it being hangry. Now I call it going thru ketosis.

When I die I don’t think I’ll miss much about life. One I will is the feeling of getting into bed after bathing.