🕸haunted🌹hostess🕸

I'll never understand how people sitting in offices can make so much more than people who are doing physical, hands on labor.

"If no one's gonna hug me I'll hug myself"

"I dont fizzle"

"What are you surviving?" "Myself"

"DJ crooked dick"

"You'd make a wonderful butler"

Primate was actually really good, love seeing a new animal horror movie

Why do people block me on Facebook but keep me on Snapchat? Fucking weirdos lol

"We weren't allowed to say fart we would say who shot the bunny"

"Do you wanna muhsrooooooommm?.... Marshmallow??"

"I CANT FIND MY POCKET" "ITS IN YOUR POCKET SHIRT"

"We gotta get rid of the white ones"

"She's gonna taste like pennies"

"I gotta horse sitting on my dolphin"

*playing card game" "Well the blacks are better at everything "well theyre better than me"

"Everyone gets one white and one black... there's no segregation in my house"

"Take him to the bedroom so you can show him your socks"

"Secret second table"

"Im blond, dont let the red hair fool you" "And im blind i cant fucking see"

I haven't looked at my liked tweets in so long and im only just realizing you can't access them anymore? I SAVED SO MANY TO SHOW PEOPLE CAUSE TWITTER IS FUNNY AGAIN AND THEYRE GONE? THIS IS HELL

Everyone worries about my drinking but my smoking is the real problem, why do I need to smoke 4 cigarettes in an hour