Epstein dies in prison while Trump is President. The DOJ closes Epstein's case while Trump is President. Ghislaine Maxwell is moved to more comfortable prison while Trump is President. The GOP kept voting not to show the Epstein files while Trump is President. Congress forces the DOJ to show the files by today, but they refuse because Trump is president. Do you get it now? Do you understand what's in those files? Trump wasn't only Epstein's buddy. They were twin predators.

We were watching cartoons yesterday and my 5-year-old immediately recognized a giraffe. I started sobbing. My baby Einstein just passed a presidential cognitive test.

MAGA, we have good news and bad news. Bad news: You can't afford gas, food, healthcare, or housing. Good news: As you pass out from being sick and starving, your last words will be, "Trump knows ass."

November 3rd. 🇺🇸 vs🍊 Pick a side.

Words that scare Trump... Accountability. Responsibility. Law and order. Epstein files. Democracy. Deodorant. Zelinskyy. Freedom. Exercise. Honesty. Judges. Obama. Prison. Algae. Trans. Truth. VOTE

This election isn't just Democrats vs Republicans. It's Democracy vs Dictatorship. Working Class vs Epstein Class. Vaccines vs Ivermectin. Robert DeNiro vs Rob Schnider. Balls vs Ballroom. Ending wars vs Starting wars. Making a living vs Making a killing Taylor Swift vs Kid Rock. Books vs Coloring Books. Ruth Ginsburg vs Katie Zacharia. Stephen King vs Etch A Sketch. People vs Power. America vs Donald Trump.

Dear Voters, You are the cavalry.

I just picked up my kid from school. Holy shit. I dropped off Brian and got back Brianna. Who is now a communist. And an illegal from El Salvador. Now she wants to join the Muslim female gymnastics and vote for Biden using her Antifa ID.

A Brief History of Rigged Elections - Part Two. After the 2020 elections, Donald Trump hired two firms to investigate the election. All he wanted them to do is find fraud. That's it. Imagine if they found massive fraud. That could've changed everything. Trump could've been president again. Those firms would be hailed as heroes. Trump would give them anything they wanted. Fame, power, money. Needless to say, those firms REALLY wanted to find fraud. And they searched. And searched. And searched. And found... Nothing. Nada. Zip. Venezuela wasn't controlling the machines. No one was dumping votes in the middle of the night. Dead people weren’t voting. And that guy online who knows for a fact that Biden cheated... he's a moron. Nothing nefarious happened at all. Trump was simply crushed by Biden. The end. P.S. Remember Cyber Ninjas? Trump hired them to audit Arizona’s results. They actually found a tiny discrepancy. In Biden’s favor. Yeah, Donald lost by even more than we thought.

It cost me $105 to fill up my gas tank. I knew that sooner or later men in women's sports would raise my gas prices. I knew it!

Let me get this straight, Marco Rubio hated Russia, he knew for a fact that Russia screws with our elections, then Trump buys Marco and suddenly Marco loves Russia? If this was a Scooby Doo episode, kids would be yelling, "Too obvious!!" Which means MAGA is totally buying it.

Meet the new Press Secretary.

A mother and daughter are murdered in Ukraine. Because Trump gave Putin the green light. Because Putin is blackmailing Trump. Because whatever depraved horrors you think Trump has committed, it's worse, much worse. No matter how much you hate Trump... It's not enough.

MAGA: Trump will stop all wars and lower prices on everything. Trump: I have a better idea. How about I build a new golf course? MAGA: That's exactly what I voted for!! USA! USA!

It's true. This election is not Republicans vs Democrats. It's Fascists vs Vegans. Choose carefully.

It's funny how scammers from South Asia and Africa always defend Trump. They know that Democrats would never fall for their crap. But MAGA can be manipulated by anyone, real or not. Hello Kitty could manipulate MAGA.

The new abridged MAGA dictionary. "You're gay" - when they're intimidated. "You're retarded" - when they're confused. "That's retarded" - when it's math or numbers.