v i o l e t

Today I talked to Hala (my cousin’s daughter) who’s the only survivor of her family. Hala is 8 years old, she doesn’t talk about what happened and she doesn’t speak with anyone since. I haven’t been able to speak with her since they were killed over a month ago. Hala lost both her parents, her 3 sisters, her grandparents, her two aunts, three uncles and all of her cousins that were in that house. I have thought many times about what I would tell her when I call her for the first time. I haven’t spoken to my remaining family who are still alive for over two weeks until today. Because of the “fake truce” I managed to video call them today as they had internet connection for the first time. Hala was next to my uncle and saw my picture on the phone. I kept asking for her multiple times. She then took the phone and went into a dark room to talk with me alone. I froze. I just kept saying Habibti Hala I miss you so much I love you so much. I couldn’t mention her family, and I genuinely didn’t know what to say to an 8 year old who just lost her whole family. I just talked to her about how I want to visit her soon and how much I miss her and all the toys I bought for her and I asked her if she wants anything in particular and she told me “I just want to see you and come live with you far away.” It broke me so much. I held my tears inside my chest and wondered what on earth did this little girl do to deserve all of this pain. I kept trying to think of things that will excite her but she was very quiet, not the Hala I once knew. Not the happy Hala who gets excited at the most simple things. Not the Hala that laughs with her whole heart, but a new Hala who’s barely able to smile. I told her I’ll take you to the best amusement park and she was shocked and said “oh you have that there?” Her little brain cannot comprehend that life is normal outside her home. All she can picture is destruction, bombs and dead parents and sisters. I wish I can hide this little girl in my heart from this cruel world forever. Hala is one story only, there’s more than 1 million children in Gaza who’ll grow up with so much trauma and unimaginable losses. Our hearts cannot bear all of this pain.