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Ottawa, Ontario
Joined May 2021
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Ilya: I don't think anyone will ever truly be in love with me.
Shane: Are you sure?
Ilya: yes.
Shane, aggressively pointing at himself: Are you fucking sure?!
Ilya: [doing some dumb shit]
Shane: I can’t believe I’m gonna sleep with him.
Hayden: Well. You don’t HAVE to.
Shane: Nah, I’m gonna.
Ilya: good job
Luca: thanks dad.
[...]
Luca: Why is everyone staring at me?
Hayes, amused: you just called Roz dad.
Luca: What? No I didn't! I said MAN
Ilya: Do u see me as a father figure Haas?
Luca: No! If anything I see you as a bother figure cuz ur always bothering me!
Luca: i think Shane is a little upset with you.
Ilya: what?
Luca: he told me to give you this note.
Ilya, reading the note out loud: "My beautiful ilya, i hope this message finds you before i do-"
Stranger at a bar: *Gesturing to ilya* Is this man bothering you?
Shane, sighing: Yes, but he is my husband. I signed up for this.
[Harris calling an emergency meeting]
Shane, sighing: okay. Which one is it this time? Ilya? Troy? Hayes?
Harris, somehow sighing louder: yes.
Ilya: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated.
Ilya: if you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.
Shane: *carrying all the groceries on both arms*
Ilya: *reaches his hand out to help*
Shane: *transfers everything to one arm to hold Ilya's hand*
Ilya: that's not what i- okay.
Harris: Yesterday, I overheard troy asking, "Are you sure this is a good idea?" and ilya replying "Trust me."
Harris: I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my entire life.
Ilya: I've never had a best friend before.
Shane: I'll be your best friend!
Ilya:
Ilya: I've never had a boyfriend before either.
Harris: ilya, keep an eye on troy today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Ilya: Sure, I’d love to see troy get punched.
Harris: Try again.
Ilya, sighing: I will stop troy from getting punched.
Harris: I keep pictures in my wallet of this team.
Troy: oh?
Harris: And I tell myself, “if I can deal with these absolute fucking idiots who have one shared braincell, then I can deal with anything”.
Ilya: I'm CRYING. You made me cry.
Shane: baby.
Ilya: no, now is not the time for pet names.
Shane: no I'm calling you a baby.
Shane: I'm insulting you.
Ilya: I was crying for three hours and none of you fucks offered me a hug!
Troy, opening his arms: Alright, bring it in.
Ilya: Don’t fucking touch me!
Troy, under his breath: This is why nobody hugs you.
Hayden: why is Ilya crying?
Shane: he's drunk.
Hayden: so?
Shane: he heard me say I'm engaged.
Hayden: ... to him. You're engaged to him, right?
Shane: yep.
Hayden: so why is he crying?
Shane, sighing: he forgot we are engaged.
Ilya: okay, promise you won't freak out.
Shane: ... I promise.
*2 minutes later*
Ilya, sitting down comfortably, watching as Shane paces in front of him and pulls at his hair: by the way, great job on the not freaking out.
Ilya, unbelievably softly: Good morning, dorogoy.
Shane, smirking: Morning baby. I've got to say after last night, I'm feeling a little weak in the knees.
Troy, closing the fridge door loudly, deadpan: Here's an idea. When you walk into a room... TAKE A QUICK SCAN.