Ivan Garcia

I do comedy

October 13th I finished writing my first hour of comedy. Now to perform it in its entirety. 🎭

Why the fuck would you live anywhere with an HOA 🤦‍♂️ that’s on you

Run clubs are the improv of athletics

Give this playlist a listen: New New 9-15-2026 open.spotify.com/playlist/0v…

A clean comedy show for adults is a fucking joke in itself

Thought my day was going bad. Just saw this guy get his ass kicked, dissed by a girl, then get dissed again.

The internet has copied and pasted itself to death

Ambrahma Lincoln didn’t fuck all those midgets so you can sit around sulking all day….

I’ll take an STD scare of a pregnancy scare any day lol

Told the uber driver to drop me off where the women are the most desperate. Left me at a hospice

Do you ever wanna get naked and whisper sweet nothings into a bitches cerebral cortex

People over 30 obsessed with their pet is some level 10 pathetic shit

Celebrating having or not having kids is like being happy over a participation trophy. How about both of you shut up

Give this playlist a listen: New New 8-25-2026 open.spotify.com/playlist/2y…

Stop naming your dogs brownie….it confuses me in public

Give this playlist a listen: New New 7-4-2026 open.spotify.com/playlist/6u…

Choosing violence and adding the word “buddy” to my vocabulary

Only love and ecstasy can make me calm during traffic

Chivas and Standup are forever man

Chase my burger with a chicken sandwich 🙌