Mr. Johnston says

That wave is technically correct....but not pretty enough to get a date to prom.

"Mr Johnston do you want kids?" "I mean being a teacher has kind of a birth control effect"

*rubs balloon on beard* *sticks balloon to wall*

*rolls dice* This one is for Alpha! "There aren't any numbers on that dice- there are only colors" *still makes Alpha answer question*

"Are you married?" No, I only wear this ring to keep the old ladies away. Them rascals, with their canes and walkers...

"Drag racing" Oh, when you dress up in women's clothing and race?

Somebody call and ambulance! And Guiness world records! "Why?" For the first man to give birth in a physics class!

Kid: *yells across room* Hey can I get a ride home today? Johnston: Well, I mean I rode my bike today but, Kid: Oh. I wasn't talking to you.

It's pajama pants day not sassy pants day.

Kid: "what the hell is this crap?" Me: What the heck is this stuff is what you should say with ladies present you sailor!

I had a dream I was a car muffler... I woke up exhausted.

*wookie noise plays on a phone* I have really bad indigestion...

Would you like to stretch your legs before you stretch your minds?

"I love that you laugh at yourself Mr. Johnston" Well somebody's got to.

I'll stop giving you the 3rd degree...

I'm on my way despite appearances.

You should not trust my Spanish, I am a physics teacher.

Blessing your Wednesday with a classic tune. youtu.be/KaOC9danxNo

Everyone dies in the end.