Willie Quinn

"GAVIN, I KNOW YOU'RE RATTLED TONIGHT..." And so began the full public implosion of Unionism after a seminal month in the history of local politics. Last night on BBC's The View, the Leaders of the three main Unionist Party's inadvertently shone a huge, glaring spotlight into the chaos which has now engulfed them. Gavin Robinson of the DUP, now a 'Leader' in name only, did indeed look "rattled". Carla Lockhart had delivered him a hammer blow just before he went on air. Gavin is the epitome of a man on "automatic pilot". And he has been for some time... Permanently in fear of the vocal extremes, in particular Jamie Bryson who took over his "leadership of Unionism" by stealth some time ago. In a bizarre almost surreal moment, Gavin (now in full David Brent mode) declared that he had shared a packet of Haribo's with Carla. So therefore they must still be mates... It was a tumbleweed moment... I was half waiting for big Finchy to come to his rescue by hurling a shoe over the roof of the BBC Studios... The brilliant Mark Carruthers, (a presenter for whom Christmas had just arrived two months early), stoked the flames of ferment with his customary brilliance. Jim Allister, red-faced and irate (his default setting in life) poured on the petrol as Gavin bizarrely sat with his back to him, unable to even look at his rival who was setting him alight in full view... Then there was Jon Burrows the leader of the UUP who was wisely on a video-link away from the ensuing chaos. We all presumed that Jon was at home until Gavin dramatically announced "Jon's in Taiwan!". Hang on.... Taiwan...?? Yes, Taiwan.... Jon had actually flown all the way off to the Far East to find out if they do things any better over there. It turns out they do... "I'd like to point out that there is no cost to the taxpayer for this trip!" yelled Jon like a badge of honour... An attempt to steal the moral high ground as the madness ensued around him. This was now Primetime Box Office viewing. And it got even better... His interrogation succesfully completed, Mark Carruthers headed over to his three analysts for comment. And sitting shellshocked. we had Tim Cairns, looking like a slightly older version of his namesake Tim from the Office... "I'm just so sad" declared Tim, "I'm really just so sad...!" Tim knew the game was up... Unionism was now on life support. Wernham Hogg was about to finally go bust... Where was Dawn last night when he needed her? As for Big Gavin, he had slipped off out the back door, off to do a charity photoshoot, before planning his next career move as a door-to-door Salesman for Haribo... "Live fast, die old" as David Brent would say... HENRY JOY. @bbctheview @MarkCarruthers7 @GRobinsonDUP @JimAllister @JonBurrowsMLA @duponline @uuponline @TUVonline @timcairns @SuzyJourno