Me 2 seconds after getting my flying Tesla roadster.

With friends like these…

"We knew the world would not be the same. A few people laughed, a few people cried. Most people were silent. I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita... 'Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.' - Oppenheimer.

My wife is miserable and grumpy. Even after a two week holiday in Tahiti! Unbelievable! She gave me the worst 'welcome home' ever.

Oh damn….

Great writing.

For only $30 a month you can adopt a Jetstar passenger. Help us stop the brutal & inhumane way we treat them by donating today. You’ll receive a framed picture of your very own Jetstar passenger and regular updates as to where their luggage might be. Thank you — Melbourne Airport

They’re out there. And her magic chant is straight out of “Wicked”. Bless.

PRIEST: What were you thinking?? ME: Releasing birds at a wedding is romantic. PRIEST: Emus?

Interesting.

Sadly accurate. If you still support trump after all he’s done (or failed to do) I’m sorry but you will die stupid.

I shouted at my wife while she was in labour, "Push harder". She screamed, "Fuck you!" Bit harsh. It wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital.

English is tricky. Particularly when the beginning of your speech begins with beginning.

What a disgrace.

I think the clothes are dry.

How drunk? This is “using a pizza slice as a pillow” drunk.

They called it WHAT Friday?? Seriously?? - Jesus.

A golden oldie.

Adore this.

Pounding out the hit last night at the East Brunswick Hotel.