Michael Schaffer

“I don’t like this chocolate milk!” my three year old screams in horror…. I gave him plain milk. My bad.

Definitely fell asleep in the barber chair at least two times today… whoops 😬

I’m a bit proud of how efficiently I can use the self-checkout. Not sure why some of y’all seem to be filing your taxes at them, but they’re truly not that complicated…

Can’t wait to hit up the holiday weekend market and check out all the 3D printed and AI generated products from our local artisans 😌

It’s so hot, I just stepped on a LEGO and it didn’t even hurt. It just squished down into a little plastic puddle.

Walking into the LEGO room, even though I don’t have time to build today. It just gives me a nice lil boost of serotonin 😌👌

Kinda ridiculous how my wife keeps Googling "is _______ a Star Wars character" when I give her a name suggestion for our baby... 😒

Encouragement for the day: How you think you look… vs how you actually look

New studies have shown that when a woman goes through childbirth, she almost experiences the same level of pain as stepping on a LEGO.

I’ll keep it real with y’all… I buy a lot more non-LEGO brand plastic building bricks than I let on.

“Dad’s are so hard to buy gifts for on Father’s Day?” Uh… have you considered getting him LEGO?

Fun fact: Any room in your house can become a LEGO room if you try hard enough.

Jesus sees how you drive on your way to the Forrest Frank concert btw… 👀

“Don’t kill the bugs! They have just as much right to be in your home as you do!” Oh, really? Last time I checked, I was the only one paying property taxes around here.

Can someone please explain to my wife why LEGOLAND would be an excellent destination for a babymoon?

It’s hard to explain the immense need I have for a Bluey expansion of Magic: The Gathering…

I don’t think there’s anything that terrifies me more in the moment than sneezing while driving.

You know you’re getting older when your answer to the question, “if you could own anything from the Star Wars universe, what would it be?” isn’t a lightsaber or starfighter… but a bacta tank.

If I was the mother duck, upon losing my first child, I would simply not let my children go over the hill and far away again.