Michael-Rex

.@McDonalds We need to stop training the customer service industry to say sir/ma'am based on a customer's voice. Until then I'll have a Big Mac (hold the lettuce) & ten chicken nuggets (hold the tears).

1979: what's your sign? 2019: what's your opinion on the shape of the Earth?

returning to Twitter to ask the important question: is it really pooping if you can't find your juul?

😉😘 xitter.gq/acidflowers/status/100…

if you love guns so much, why don't you just marry 'em?

does @tacobell always skimp out on their soft tac's or did I get screwed?

the internet is a dangerous place & I am no longer afraid to die

there exist an infinite number of universes where instead of 2001 a space odyssey, he made 2001 a space jam

"I guess we're just going to have to take one for the team and shit on each other's chests" @acidflowers

I've tried a handful of diets/workout regimens, but nothing brings me that summer bod quite like a plate of E. Coli. You can pick up yours at any shady food truck that sells both traditional Asian cuisine & TexMex.

how come no one told me I had a mullet? how long have y'all been keeping this from me?

"dude im gonna kiss u" @acidflowers

.@HailTheShane : "do you want some of these? I think they're gross" everyone in the van: *tries handful"

"anyone who's ever shit their pants knows what it's like to be dead" @acidflowers

is it hard in here or is it just me? 😏