Fiercely devoted to family, friends, 1st graders, and pizza.
Joined April 2012
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Serious question: Do other people get dressed on days they don't plan to leave the house? And do they get their children dressed? Because I absolutely do not.
Just overheard some of my first graders discussing whether or not you can get married if your ring finger gets chopped off.
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Just eavesdropped on one of the funnier conversations I’ve heard, which consisted of my 2yo arguing with my hubs that she only farted and didn’t need her diaper changed. She gave it a solid effort but the smell and the lump in her pants ultimately led to defeat. #toddlers
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Most of my 1st graders call hand sanitizer "hannitizer" and I can't bring myself to correct them. #badteacher #butitssocute
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Went to bed last night a tiny bit irritated with my husband, and then in the dream I had he was a TOTAL JERK. So now he's really in the doghouse.
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"I need more cheese in my life." -- the smartest 2nd grade student I've ever had #speakingtruth
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Within the last hour I have called my 7mo old my "sweet baby girl" and also a "little shit". I think this is what motherhood is all about.
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"Oh wait! We didn't get a picture with your locker. You thought you were doing to get away without that one, didn't you." --a mom just now #FirstDayOfSchool
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Holding my naked, diaper-less baby reminds me of holding my iPhone without a case. It's so sleek and smooth and cute, but holy balls this is an accident waiting to happen.
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Fun fact about my housekeeping: I rarely run out of that spray stuff you use for dusting. #BecauseDustingSUCKS
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Ya know how everyone loves peeling the plastic off of their new phones? Well the other day we got new APPLIANCES and I got to peel the plastic off of ALL of them and that was probably the highlight of my month. #satisfyingAF
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Being an adult is full of surprises that I never expected as a child. For example, today I tweaked my knee while putting on pants.
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I'm starting to worry that my daughter is going to have very low expectations for herself someday if I keep cheering for her about everything the same way that I cheer for her when she burps.
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My niece just told me pepperoni is her favorite vegetable. I told her she is the smartest person I have ever met.
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Ok, yeah @Bitmoji, I realize that only 6 outfits fit me right now in real life, but I don't know why my bitmoji has to experience the same pain. #GiveUsMoreMaternityOutfits
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