occam’s river

Periodic reminder that my dream job is to be the in-house spiritual advisor, conflict mediator, mindset maintainer and nervous system regulator for a startup in exchange for equity. I'm dead serious, this is what I'm built for, if you know a founder who needs this connect us

This is one of my all time favorite posts and stories, I think of it all the time, and especially with regards to how autists can acquire aspects of socialization

Unchecked impulsivity is a low-IQ response. Anger, on the other hand, is just another color in our emotional palette, whose existence serves to signify something needs tending to

My new gf: I identify as avoidant 1000% Me: wait what Her: ya Me: I...literally couldn't even tell at all? Her: I've been leaning in hard to counterbalance my own nature, and also you're good at just giving me space and not freaking out about it and welcoming me when I return

I talk about dating/romance dynamics a lot even though I study & teach all kinds of relational interactions & issues, partly because I love love, also partly because…well it’s kinda like how I learned how to drive in LA & now I can drive anywhere? If you can master that stuff…

Billy Corgan is currently getting trashed in the media for saying he was drawn to his partner because she wasn’t weighed down by the trauma and baggage of women from his generation but I actually don’t think there’s anything wrong with deciding you want someone with lightness

This is very good

I don’t really get the concept of prison as punitive. I don’t think it makes sense. To me prisons have two potential purposes: • rehab. Heal people, so they emerge new, made better, no longer inclined to do crime • keep them out of society forever, because they are irredeemable

One of my group participants last night suggested that the next time I print handouts for everyone, I “don’t use such big words”, I thought how awful and sad, you would rather see me dumb down my material than potentially invite people to expand the repertoire of words they know

I love the Tame Impala song “One More Year” because aside from the sounds (great melody, fascinating textures) it’s basically about a handfast, the old tradition no one does anymore, of “let’s try getting married for a year first & see how that goes before we dive in for forever”

This essay I'm writing made me realize how "trying moves" with people isn't always fake, bc: • you can "run moves" because you're attempting to come across a certain way, manipulate their perception of you; • or, you can do it to counter your old nature, learn new ways of being

When I'm leading a group my natural stance I occupy is fascination & empathy, to the point where when I notice critical thoughts arise they're not nearly as pressing as they would be otherwise; while I can clock what my mind is saying staying in fascination/empathy is fairly easy

If you’re recovering from conflict avoidance, it can be helpful to know you might not ever fully get over the initial jitters of approaching someone for a difficult conversation or tense exchange, you just become adept at handling the sensation and diving in unhesitatingly anyway

Client: why doesn't my partner respond to my texts promptly Me: I'm not sure, I'm not them. Have you tried...asking Client: they should be able to Me: that's your own personal should you're imposing. You don't know what runs through their mind or neurology when it's response time

I think the modern era, for various reasons, has caused people to not really "grow up" (both psycho-emotionally and professionally) often until their 40's. People starting families, finding their way much later. But I'm also noticing: when they do find their way, it's more solid

My position is that this might be instinctual but can be overridden with practice and will

My new gf has a crazy busy schedule, school & two part-time jobs. So I don’t text her in the mornings “how did you sleep” or “what’s on docket for today”; those implicitly demand her availability & participation. I say “have such a good day” & she responds when she has a moment

Getting old is mandatory, but staying vital is a choice

The subtle but profound difference between “I apologize” vs “please forgive me” • the first is an offering • the second is a request/demand, that dictates what they should do with your offering Obviously we hope to be forgiven when mending and repairing, but…that’s up to them