Bit French, bit English. Research academic. Talks about OCD, schizoaffective disorder, PPIE and dogs. Structurally unsound. Scared of hippos.
UK
Joined November 2011
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It can be really difficult to be honest about suicidal thoughts without fear of a) being admitted or referred to the crisis team or b) scaring family or friends
Saw amazing GP. She is going to email my consultant today because she is worried and feels I need some more support. I don’t think anything will come of it. I’m going away to meet my niece next Fri. When I get back, I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.
My phone has been dying over the last few weeks. It stopped charging so I bit the bullet and bought a new (refurbished) one that arrived today. Old phone has done the full Lazarus and is working perfectly again…
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Hearing Voices Group was okay. Some nice people. A few who dominated throughout. A lot of medication comparing. I’ll go again.
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This morning I am going to the Hearing Voices Support Group. I promised the psych I would give it a go. Part of me doesn’t want to accept the voices. I want them gone and this approach is hard because I don’t want them in my life.
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Urgh. Yearly eye exam. They were great - in there for nearly two hours. Verdict is, despite being in my 30s, my eyes are still getting more nearsighted. Need new glasses, which, because of my high prescription, are going to cost a bloody fortune. Even online.
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Care-co was nice. Not hugely helpful but listened. She is going to discuss with dr tomorrow (she’s not in today), would like me to consider going under HTT, and wants me to email whenever needed. We shall see.
Seeing care-co after lunch. Really hoping she can offer some support but also very aware that there’s a good chance I’ll get freaked out and freeze. Or cry. I’m becoming a cryer.
Nice service at church this afternoon remembering the people we’ve lost. They read out my parents’ names and I lit a candle for them. Got home, made a cup of tea, and mashed my toe against the bed… ice pack and paracetamol time!
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Today I will be taking part in the Remembrance Day Parade with Girlguiding. I don’t know where I would be without my Guiding friends and their ongoing support and I am proud to stand beside them.
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Heard from care-coordinator - face to face appt at the clinic on Monday at 2:30pm. She was really sweet on the phone 🤞🤞
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5pm and no call from care-co. Fingers crossed that she’ll call tomorrow. Feeling v wobbly but have an important work meeting at 6pm so can’t go to bed.
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Care-co has emailed again. She is out in visits today but will try to call this afternoon if that’s okay with me. Says she won’t pressure me into trusting her but that she will “provide all the help I need” Actually feeling hopeful.
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Clozapine clinic this morning. Having a much needed latte in the cafe over the road from CMHT. Feeling v v anxious and v v unsure of who I can trust and what is going on.
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I emailed care-co and she only went and replied… do I go back to her and ask for a face-to-face appointment? Feeling v paranoid about it all.
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Saw amazing GP. Cried all over her. She was lovely (as always) and I am booked in to see her next Friday. I agreed that if things are overwhelming, I will contact the surgery as I can trust them. She wants me to contact care-co and explain that things are tough.
