Remember to brush after every meal.

Trump asked Zelenskyy if he would ever travel to Moscow to sit down and negotiate directly with Vladimir Putin. Zelenskyy smiled and declined, saying he couldn't go because "there are just way too many Ukrainian drones flying over Moscow right now." - Volodymyr Zelenskyy

I invented a new cocktail. It's tequila and prune juice. I think I'll call it Shits and Giggles.

Found them both.

Finally, something we can agree on!

If that fat bastard got to heaven, then I know damn well there's a chance for me. 🤣

It would certainly help. When one spouse dies, the other must carry on with pretty much the same expense level and a significant drop in income. If we managed Social Security properly, this wouldn't be a problem.

Him: Well, I'll just get a pet to go jogging with me. Her: Well, it better be a turtle.

The pastor asked a man on the street, "Why ask Google when Jesus has all the answers?" Then the man replied, "I'm not going to ask Jesus where to find midget porn."

Two nuns were riding their bicycles to market one day when one of them, not recognizing the route, caught up to the other one and, with a puzzled look, asked,”Have you ever came this way before?” The other one, cheeks flushed and slightly out of breath, replies, “No, I think it's the cobblestones