ant

RIP Toby Keith you would have loved the fighting on the White House lawn

The colony got Nuked :(

One of our fellow colonies in Israel is going to try out the poop dollar bit on Netanyahu. Updates to follow

Cool Mumford & Sons t shirt. Was it your uncle or a family friend?

At the gym with all the uses car salesmen. Lot of 10lbs dumbbells in use

The talibants are our greatest enemy

Strangers always ask me why I’m so nice but unfortunately it would be inappropriate to tell them I was born with a big gigantic hog so literally nothing bothers me

Not enough enrichment in my enclosure

Checking in to say I fuckin love kitchen gadgets. Keep making them

Sam Antman

Hey could you put a coaster under your drink if you’re going to set it in the coffee table? They’re over by the skin lamp

We are already abandoning this. They fear no god

Try being the leader of an ant colony

Your dough: sweet, full of sugar and barbiturates My dough: sour, full of ants

The colony is breeding mosquitos to see if we can use them like drones. Much cheaper than DJI

They’re putting me in the meat grinder with 12% pork fat to make the perfect breakfast sausage ratio at work tomorrow

Openly supporting terrorism is wild

Blacking out at the bar after saying yes every time the bartender asked if I wanted another drink because I’m an empath and didn’t want him to think he’s doing a bad job

Found out my hairstylist is a Nazi sympathizer because I said “just make me more fuckable” and she shaved me bald

Soup for sale. Used, good condition

Oh my god