Comedian. Renowned simpleton. Host of Convince Me on NPRIllinois (The Front Row Network). Also Zig and Larry Ignore a Topic. [email protected]
Dipshitsburg, USA
Joined August 2012
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Larry Smith retweeted
So excited to record this album. I don’t have management or reps or labels behind me. I’ve whiffed on, missed, or never got opportunities in the past but I’m funnier than ever in my life and doing this DIY. Your support getting the word out is super appreciated! Let’s rock!
Jason Aldean looks like he fucks with his socks on.
Jason Aldean looks like he’d yell “do you know who my dad is” during mildly rough sex.
Jason Aldean looks like he’d break the second controller if you were beating him at Mario Kart.
Jason Aldean looks like a shitgibbon.
Larry Smith retweeted
SERGEANT: The suspect knows something.
MEAN COP: I’ll beat the truth out of him!
NICE COP: Let me reason with the kid.
DAVID LEE ROTH COP: Bizzy siddy bop bop! Whooo! Awright!
SGT: Dammit, Roth Cop. Be serious.
DLR COP: (earnestly) Ziggity bop. Uh-huh. Yow.
Went to my first Hot Pot/Korean BBQ place tonight. Had a mild panic attack. Cooked my own food. Had the waiter chastise me for putting too much food in my hot pot and potentially causing a fire. 10/10. Would put my dick in the macaroni salad again.
Larry Smith retweeted
Trash In Terror. Must be a Wednesday! (18+) twitch.tv/besttrashplayer
To all of us whose matriarchs taught us how to slip a right cross “just enough”so contact was made but no damage was done, who reminded us weekly we “weren’t wanted,” who shamed us for our weight, who made sure we knew we were an embarrassment, I see you. You’re not alone.
Larry Smith retweeted
If a new comic sucks, give them a year to grow, learn, and change.
Next time you see them perform it might surprise you that your first opinion was right.
All these advances in science, technology, and medical care and we’re all just out here pooping and peeing even when we die.
Name 2 concerts that you’ve attended representing two opposite extremes in music.
Toby Keith before he was “Toby Keith” at a county fair rodeo when I was a kid.
The Lawrence Arms in a creaky punk club in Chicago when I was inebriated.
Larry Smith retweeted
I told a joke last night that my generation used to lick stamps as kids. Woman in the audience said she still uses that kind but the stamps are so old that it’s like licking grandma…
How long do you think the marketing team called them “Foons” or “Spornks” before some intern came up with “Spork?”
Larry Smith retweeted
Writers deserve more respect. People worship actors, but they’re nothing without writers. Writing is harder than acting. There are child actors. There are no child writers.
I’m sorry, I’d love to make content, but I’m too busy watching the hundreds of videos my neurodivergent friends send to me every 3 and a half hours all day/every day.
Every time I log onto this app with something funny in mind I scroll for thirty seconds and the dumbassery I see turns me into a sputtering, enraged, inarticulate, ninnyhammer. In short, a Newsmax host and man, I don’t like that.