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⏰ Time for more #TrumpTales! Hope you enjoy! ******************** **The Great Legs Summit** Donald #Trump sat behind the massive desk in his office, gold everything gleaming under the lights, when #Ivanka walked in. She was in her late thirties, hair perfectly blown out, heels clicking like a metronome of ambition. She looked like a high-end real estate brochure that had learned to speak. “Dad,” she said, closing the door. “We need to talk about the brand. The focus groups are saying the ‘Ivanka’ line feels a little… dated. Like it’s trying too hard to be classy while still mentioning how good my legs are in every press release.” Trump leaned back, steepled his fingers. “Dated? Your legs are *tremendous*. Best legs in the business. I’ve said it for years. People love it. They write me letters. ‘Donald, your daughter has fantastic legs.’ I frame the letters.” Ivanka exhaled through her nose. “You said that on national television when I was twenty-four. Then again when I was twenty-seven. The internet has screenshots. Forever.” “Screenshots of the truth,” Trump said. “Look, I’ve built entire towers with less complimentary language. The market loves confidence. You have the best legs. Very long. Very toned. I know these things. I’m an expert on legs. I look at women's legs all the time, ask anyone.” She crossed her arms. “I’m not asking you to stop complimenting me. I’m asking you to stop complimenting me like you’re writing the jacket copy for a swimsuit calendar. Also, the plastic surgeon’s office keeps calling. They want to know if we’re still using the ‘natural but improved’ talking points or if we’ve moved on to the ‘I was always this symmetrical’ era.” Trump waved a hand. “Cosmetic surgery is fine. Everyone does it. You looked good before, you look better now. That’s the Trump way. You take something good and you make it the best. Tremendous improvement. The cheekbones alone—people notice. They say, ‘She got her father’s bone structure and her mother’s…’ well, they don’t finish the sentence, but the point is it’s working.” “Dad.” “What? I’m being supportive. Most fathers don’t even notice their daughter’s legs. I notice them, a lot. That’s called being present.” Ivanka pinched the bridge of her nose. “The last time you ‘noticed’ in a meeting, the junior staffer from marketing had to leave the room. She told HR she felt like she was watching a father-daughter bonding exercise that required a content warning.” Trump looked genuinely puzzled. “She left? Over legs? In my day, people stayed for the whole pitch. You want numbers? My numbers were great. Your numbers are great. The legs are great. Why is everyone so sensitive?” “Because you once described them on *The View* as ‘a tremendous asset to the company and also to the nation,’” Ivanka said. “Legal still has the clip. They play it at the office Christmas party now. It’s become a tradition, like Secret Santa but with existential dread.” Trump nodded, already reaching for the intercom. “Good. Traditions build loyalty. Hold on.” He pressed the button. “Yeah, get me the packaging team. Tell them we’re going with the new tagline: ‘Ivanka Trump: Business Genius. Also, Legs. People Are Saying the Best Legs.’ And put a little footnote. ‘Source: Her father, who has excellent taste in women's legs, some day the best taste.’” There was a long silence on the other end. Then a nervous voice: “Sir… the focus group said that makes them uncomfortable.” “Uncomfortable is good,” Trump said. “It means they’re paying attention. Uncomfortable people buy things to feel better. It’s called psychology. I invented it.” Ivanka stared at him. “You did not invent psychology.” “I made it popular,” he corrected. “Big difference. Anyway, we’re doing it. And add a small photo of the shoes. You’ve always had excellent taste in shoes. Very high. Very pointy. People love pointy.” From the intercom came a tiny, defeated “Yes, sir.” Continued.....