During the next global virus, they will put that stupid fucking nasal swab in your asshole instead and everyone will go through the testing drive thro and have to spread their cheeks and put their ass out the window.

Whi ppl b showering wit they dogs 😭😭😭

Just had a dream where I texted my ex gf and she said something like "Look mr 80s is back LMAOOO" and I have no idea what that even means

Everytime one of you likes my posts I imagine myself kissing you on the forehead in gratitude

I need to fuck in a room that has tasteful lighting. None of this bright white led stuff.

I have nightmares where I am trapped in India and it's terrifying

If you put a Lexus badge on a 4runner you are retarded

There needs to be some sort of IQ test or something for voting.

If my wife stops putting out I'm going to fuck the stinky sexy intern that's obsessed with me.

In disbelief.