Reese

Stop being so comfy and safe. Get a motorcycle, anon.

Hmmm… I wonder if these two things are related?

A truly surreal thing to behold when you play a video of your rooster crowing at full volume and your rooster hears it and thinks it's a rival rooster claiming his turf, so he crows back in defiance My man was battling himself and didn't know it Lesson in there, perhaps?

Nothing, it’s just… it’s everywhere I look, now

One of my all-time autismo moments occurred when I was a waiter at this Italian restaurant. I was 20. I had this irrational, Nathan Fielder level of fear about opening wine with a waiter’s corkscrew because I was so worried I’d fuck it up and embarrass myself in front of the guests. So I scoured the internet and bought this wine opener gadget that used a compressed C02 cartridge to force the cork out in a single and swift motion. It looked like a horrifying black syringe with a button at the top. It definitely scared people. Meanwhile, I was so pleased that I’d found this handy way to sidestep the laborious uncorking process! It was efficient too! Plunge the needle into the cork, press the button, and *HISSSSPOP!*. Done. My manager finally caught me many weeks later and was like “Reese… what the fuck is this?” They made me stop using my precious gadget. I was crestfallen. Looking back, at such a young age I had no semblance of an understanding about slowness and ritual when it comes to wine. I was young and very autismo back then. I learned that not everything is about efficiency. Sometimes it’s about the presentation. One of those memories I look back on and laugh about now.

Photos from my stay at my dad’s house at an undisclosed location in the beautiful Texas hill country.

GM. 🌞🐓

I had no idea who Hinojosa was up until 2 weeks before the election. It’s like a memo was sent out and there was a code of silence about this woman. Never saw a clip of her speaking or heard any libs even mention her… only their lord and savior Talarico. VERY weird.

In addition to the “hold down to copy gif” mind virus currently plaguing X, its lesser sibling is this: “Ask simple questions about the Dune universe as engagement bait for the Dune nerd reply guys” This account is based in Africa btw. Make it stop

It’s indisputable that Leftism extols weakness as a form of virtue. Every single time you watch a video of Leftists congregating, it’s a gaggle of flabby, effeminate men. On this basis alone, I’d be questioning the validity of my entire movement if this is who it always attracts.

SAAR HAVE YOU HEARD?? 🤯 Now you can take a screenshot of a tweet directly from the 'Copy Link' option!! DID YOU KNOW THIS SAAR?? SPREAD THIS GOOD NEWS FAR AND WIDE SAAR!! (am i doing this right?)

This scene is played to be a heroic last stand but if you step back, it’s pure evil: There’s no real strategic reason to fend off the SS battalion in their broken down tank, and because of this, the scene has no stakes aside from the fact that Sgt. Wardaddy has a death wish and he’s guilt-tripping the squad into joining his suicide. That’s it. He murders his own men with their loyalty right as the war is about to end. What a swell guy. The scene takes on a whole new color when you step back and really think about it.

If gaining followers means I have to become an obnoxious THREAD GUY 🧵 who PROVIDES VALUE with a nice CALL TO ACTION at the end of every tweet, then I will happily stay shitposting at my own peril forever because that shit is gay and everyone knows it

Your uncle on Thanksgiving after crushing his 14th beer:

General Zod wasn’t even a “sympathetic villain” because he wasn’t a villain to begin with. Just an agent acting on behalf of his people’s best interests. He did nothing wrong. You can hear the sorrow in his voice over his failure. Rare capeshit W. Writing was better back then.

A legitimately dogshit movie. My brother and I walked out halfway through. We never do this. Quirky ReLaTaBLe doofus main character dealt with every zombie encounter by fumbling around and shouting “oh fuck oh shit oh fuckity fuck fuck!!” That’s it. That’s the WHOLE movie.