My face is like this because one time I eyerolled during an eclipse.

Yes, I'd like to order the vegetative state with a side of functionally dead, thanks.

I don't believe in god, but I do believe in Carly Rae Jepson's Psychedelic Switch

Hey gronk, am I real?

You say "Robcoco is malicious", I hear "Robcoco is delicious"

I'll probably never be a himbo, and I have learn to accept this

I knew I should have blocked that blue tick bastard a long time ago

I'm sorry, but we will never see a line like "Look what the homosexuals have done to me!" on television ever again. Those days are gone. Over.

It feels like a good time to sacrifice another billionaire.

That time I turned up to his house wearing only a trench coat and nothing else and he wasn't even home

I went a little harder on leg day yesterday than usual, and now every time I stand up, a part of me prays for a swift death.

I come to this place to tell lies

Ended out with a group of people who are autistic, and one of them can only really communicate through dance. So I've spent two hours dancing with him and I've had such a good time!! My legs are going to be so fucking sore tomorrow.

Farting! at the Disco

I really need to stop dating 28 year olds.

hi handsome: wants me to fuck him hi cutie: wants to fuck me hey bitch: wants to marry me

Mr Chum 🧡

Opened the grindr app while trying to turn off my alarm

Once again, I'm letting myself be convinced I should do a PhD

When he told me there could be a thousand people in the room but the only one he could see was me

Sorry, I can't come out, I gotta wash my pubes