Smiff

I've seen under9s sides who could beat NUFC tonight. Abysmal!

Remarkable coincidence, as #NUFC launch some retro gear I finally got round to mounting some of my old shirts on my son's wall, including Kevin Scott's Greenalls kit from the early 90s

Thiaw looks to be the bargain buy of the Summer window. What a player! #NUFC

Someone needs to check Harvey Barnes' @paddypower account. Criminal missing a sitter like that!

Why is Microsoft so fucking shit? My son's account was hacked and every time I submit a request to reset it their AI robots just say "sorry, you've not provided enough details". I gave you his old password, which of course has been altered now. Twats

Thinking of you @SavMondo at this difficult time 😂😂

Love how @HMRCgovuk say one of the benefits of filling in Self Assessment early is: can get your money sooner if we owe you a refund. Really? I've been waiting almost a year now for the refund you owe me. Pretty swift to take it when I owe you though aren't ya? Wankers

4th pic looks like @NICKMERCS @CouRageJD and @timthetatman have already got their icon skins in the game

Devon Air Ambulance is a long way from home this morning, landed in the playing field behind my house in Weymouth. Those dog walkers scattered when they realised it was coming in to land 😂😂 @Dorsetecho

So apparently under @Labour we were going to be better off. My energy bill is up almost 600 quid a year, and now my water bill just dropped, the thieving cunts at @wessexwater have upped it from 632 to 1001 quid.

I know you're still a fan Howe, but you could at least try and make it look like you want us to beat Bournemouth

So #RachelFromAccounts made up a £22bn black hole, I wonder how big it'll be when she's relieved of her duties. By the look of it, many many many times more (someone may have to help her with the maths, as she clearly can't do it herself)

I know I'm old but the @air1072 presenter just introduced a song saying it was her favourite in Year 5 and 6. That's Primary School! I can barely remember which school I went to, never mind what song I liked 😂😂

Well, that was shit #NUFC

The future of live sport

Dunk it in what? Just went to order only to be told there's no garlic and herb dips. What sort of shambles is that?

Gotta hand it to the BBC commentary team, their curse arrives pretty rapidly these days #ENGvsWI #ENGvWI #WIvsENG #WIvENG #BBCCricket #CricketTwitter

The gulf in effort and class tonight is pretty shocking