Stuff Marty Said

“Mom for me to think something is funny it has to be soaked in ten years of irony.”

“Why did God make angels so terrifying?”

“I think it’d be cool if my entire body was modular. Like, what if I wanted infrared eyes?”

“Did you hear about the Make-a-Wish kid whose only desire was to smell an orangutan’s breath?”

<eating popcorn> “So... would gamma rays just blow your head off?”

Me: "Do you want to get a tattoo one day?" Marty (indignantly): "No, that's a sin."

"I don't think the Pope even knows how to turn on a computer."

"Did you know that in ancient depictions of Satan he had breasts?"

"How did they make forks?"

Me: "I wish someone would shave my face while I'm sleeping." Marty: "Well, that's a weird fantasy."

"Man! I forgot how good water tastes."

"Look a Trump! I'm not saying all Americans are stupid, but most are."

<While making a late-night banana protein milkshake> "Dad, I really need to get my firearm's license."

"Is Jesus powerful enough that he can microwave a slice of pizza so hot that he can't eat it?"

“Dad, hypothetically, if you could travel back in time to 1955 with a gaming PC, how much would NASA pay for it?”

Me: "Why don't you like little kids? They're cute." Marty: "Yeah, well, Hitler was probably a cute kid too."

"Memes are the most powerful form of influence there is."

"What if Jesus already came back but he's in North Korea and we just haven't heard about it?"

"I don't like kids with cute lisps and stuff."

"I don't like children that are comfortable around me."