Sam Augustine

“My mom said this once,” a series. She thought that the Underground Railroad was a literal railway that Harriet Tubman had built in a below-ground system. Mom was amazed by HT’s ingenuity. Theoretically, it would probably be more functional than Metro-North.

When I was little I made up a superhero named Brilliant and Superb Girl and my parents let me show off my illustration of a chic in a cape with “BS” on her chest à la Superman S. Here I am 20 years later, salty my mom laughed at my Bull Shit Girl drawings.

Me, reading a CDC article about salmonella, while I eat cookie dough straight from the bucket: 🎶 Bitch don’t kill my vibe. 🎶

Oh... they... FOLLOWED... the White House?

2018: YTHO? 2019: k.

🎶 A burp is a fart your mouth maaaaakes. 🎵

2016: ugh 2017: meh

A Pomeranian from Düsseldorf just started following me on Insta, so yeah, I guess life is pretty good.

Welcome to the Bone Zone.

I look forward to the day when I can poop in peace at home without a little black kitty trying to break into the bathroom with all his might

When you do so much meth that you can't even get your eyebrows right.

"I followed the sound of someone shouting, 'YASSS,' in hopes of finding you." I'm making a great first impression at work.

I just heard the word "vagina" in a commercial on TV. This is the era we are entering.

I truthfully, unshakably, wholeheartedly believe that the Nevada DOT has declared a personal vendetta against me.

😭

Waking up early enough to catch the shuttle to Fusion class like --

At this rate, I would have a doctoral degree. xitter.gq/feliciaday/status/7301…