Carly Jerk

[watching wizard of oz] munchkin? Yeah I’m munchkin on her box later fr…

coworker keeps bringing up his “full body fox costume” he’s wearing on halloween

asking my barber to give me the pro israel lob

Average male living space

Flock camera identified me by the shape of my bush alone

i could watch libberty bibberty get ignored and wiped away in that new commercial all day long #soulcleansing

Doing bar trivia at a level the average mind can’t comprehend

let He who pisses cleanly around the bowl cast the first stone

The older I get the more bouncers questioning if my ID is real is funny to me. Why the hell would I choose to be 26 on a fake ID I don’t even want that in real life

do yall think robbie shapiro was asking for pictures of kat’s cat on that pear phone

Anyone know if we got genuine feelings of joy and fulfillment tomorrow

starting a pervert-only recreation softball league for perverts and sons of perverts

saying “another hole in 1 😎” after i finish in my girlfriend

look down the barrel of my shaft and tell it to me straight bro

katniss everdeen when cockpiss neverpee walks in

visiting the NC-17 rated zoo

my high school friend group

showing up to my birthday dinner bald