standup comic. wannabe tv writer. food blogger. lover of sandwiches & toy robots. dork. will make fun of your dad. READY TO BE STAFFED! #staffme
LA via Philly
Joined September 2008
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A record-breaking 17,600 pounds of cocaine was seized in the Netherlands. "Netherlands" being code for one Dutch guy's very big taint.
This kid is going to be a beast! And he just took his first step! #LetsGoFlyers
Saw a dude on a dating app saying he’s looking for someone with “attention to detail”. He fired me before I could even swipe left.
Seems like the 70’s are having their revenge, taking Jimmy Carter and Linda Lavin. Would somebody PLEASE keep an eye on Willie Tyler and Lester?
Do the World Series patches in the uniforms look like cheap stickers or is it me? #WorldSeries2024
Armie Hammer announced his comeback will be a podcast. It’s entitled “How To Cook 40 humans”.
I’ll see myself out.
A whale watching trip in California came across a Great White Shark feeding on an Elephant Seal. Said Shark “just doing some self care and taking myself out to eat”.
This guy NAILS IT about the A's moving and how Fisher is a piece of crap. #SellTheTeam
“John, you’re a serial penny pincher, you destroyed your family’s great name and legacy because of your cheapness…I can go call 3 billionaires right now that will buy the team!” -@LarryBeilABC7
A’s are pushing the boundary between sadness and anger. We say feel your anger today but don’t let it and the A’s get the best of you tomorrow or any of the remaining 3 games. #FJF
If you are wondering if I’m old, whenever I see the @MiamiDolphins colors, I call them “The Howard Johnsons”.
People keep saying that things are slowly picking up in the entertainment biz. If anyone out there is looking to sign a comedy tv/movie writer, hit me up! #writerscommunity
A truck spilled hundreds of pounds of boxes of raisins all over the highway. Preschools everywhere lowered their coloring pages to half staff.
Peter Marshall, from Hollywood Squares, has died at 98. I guess X finally took his square. (I’ll see myself out).
Over 2,300 pounds of meth were found hidden in celery at a Georgia farmers market. Sure is a peppy alternative to cream cheese!
