Alexander colonels

One thing I have come to realise about raising children is that getting the firstborn right does not automatically mean the others will follow suit. Children are different. They have different temperaments, personalities, influences, strengths, and weaknesses. Even when they grow up under the same roof, with the same parents and similar values, they may not make the same choices. That does not mean they were raised wrongly. It just shows that they are individuals. However, there is something important we parents need to understand. If you place the responsibility of being a good example on your firstborn, you must also give that child the authority to reinforce the values you have taught. If you expect your first child to uphold chastity, moral uprightness, discipline, honesty, respect, accountability, good conduct, and responsibility, then you must also allow that child to caution the younger ones when they begin to stray from those values. You cannot constantly tell your firstborn, "Your younger ones are watching you. You must lead by example," and then turn around to undermine that leadership whenever they try to correct their siblings. Sometimes, the older child notices something you have not been able to notice because of work or family engagements. They see a younger sibling developing an attitude, making questionable choices, or crossing boundaries, and they try to call that child to order. Then you step in, perhaps because the younger one complains, cries, or feels unfairly treated, and you immediately rush to protect them from the correction. You take over the situation, sometimes without even finding out whether your firstborn was right. What you may not realise is that each time you do this, you are gradually teaching your older child to retreat. You are telling the first born child, indirectly, that you cannot trust their judgement, that their voice carries no weight, and that their responsibility as the older sibling is only convenient when it suits you. So if that is the case, why do you keep placing the burden of being a role model on that child when you are unwilling to support them in exercising the responsibility that comes with it? No one is saying you should give the firstborn unchecked authority or allow them to bully, intimidate, or punish their younger siblings. As parents, we must provide supervision, boundaries, and guidance, because older siblings are not substitute parents. But there must be room for healthy sibling leadership. When your firstborn corrects a younger sibling, do not automatically assume they are being wicked, bossy, or unnecessarily harsh. Listen. Investigate. Establish what happened before you intervene. And when they are right, support them. Even when you think they are wrong, admonish or correct them in private so as not to give the younger ones reasons to mock them. Remember, you are not only raising younger children to respect their older sibling. You are also raising an older child who must learn how to lead, correct, exercise sound judgement, and take responsibility without abusing authority. You cannot demand leadership from a child while consistently withdrawing the authority and parental support that are supposed to make that leadership meaningful. Raising the firstborn is not just about producing a child the others can look up to. It is also about teaching that child how to lead responsibly, and giving them the confidence that you trust the values you have instilled in them. May the Almighty help us.

You did nothing to earn God's love. So you can do nothing to lose it. When you fail, and you will, the love does not leave. "Nothing in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God." - Romans 8:38-39 The Almighty has loved you with an everlasting love.