Amy Adams 

I’m not done with you Elon. The grand champion of government efficiency. The billionaire savant who was supposed to blast into Washington, expose all the waste, eliminate the rampant fraud, and show the rest of us incompetent peasants how it’s done. Well, I’ve been looking into how that little DOGE experiment turned out. And holy fucking shit. The Government Accountability Office, an independent federal watchdog, examined DOGE’s ridiculously massive savings claims. You know what they found? DOGE claimed $1.7 BILLION in savings from a Defense Department contract that hadn’t even been terminated. The contract was still there. The supposed savings? Zero. Zilch. A big egg. Of 264 federal leases DOGE listed for termination, 108 were already being phased out before DOGE even existed and Elon maneuvered his pineapple shaped upper half into the Capitol. And nearly TWO THOUSAND contracts they claimed to have terminated? Still weren’t terminated. Two fucking thousand. Auditors couldn’t adequately verify enormous portions of DOGE’s advertised savings either. In other words, straight lies. Possibly crimes. Imagine an ordinary federal employee claiming billions in savings that didn’t exist, then failing to explain the numbers when auditors came asking. Elon Musk and his little taint licking army of efficiency enthusiasts would be crying fraud from every corner of America. But when it’s their demiurge Elon? Silence. For a man who demands receipts from the entire federal government, Musky sure has an awfully difficult time producing his own, doesn’t he? And spare me the mythology of the self made megagenius personally fireman’s carrying humanity into the future while hopping between K holes and playing his boosted Diablo account. Thousands of workers do the work, but the billionaire becomes a god. That tracks. And while we’re discussing this “self made megagenius,” remember his companies have benefited from tens of billions in government contracts, loans, subsidies, tax incentives, and other public support. Some contracts paid for valuable services. Cool shit. But it wasn’t just him. Public institutions helped. Taxpayers helped. We the people helped. Scientists, engineers, factory workers helped. Then the richest man in the room gets treated like he personally invented our future. You know what really bothers me? The staggering double standard. A government employee makes an accounting error? Incompetent trash. An ordinary worker needs public assistance? Lazy parasite. We can hardly blow off an unpaid traffic ticket without a bench warrant. But a billionaire benefits from government support and oversees an initiative whose savings claims don’t withstand scrutiny? He’s a genius. A goddamn visionary. Saving civilization and cradling humanity itself. Are you people fucking serious? I don’t hate Elon Musk because he’s wealthy. I don’t hate anyone. And I don’t deny his companies have accomplished extraordinary things. They have. I object to the grotesque transformation of financial success into unquestionable moral and intellectual authority, to the erasure of the people whose labor makes those accomplishments possible, and to watching this asshole demand accountability from ordinary Americans and immigrants while his cult refuses to demand the same from him. You wanna celebrate technological progress? Wonderful. Celebrate the engineers. The scientists. The factory workers. The guys who sweep the floor at night. And if you celebrate the billionaire who helped finance and organize it, at least acknowledge the difference. The Earth doesn’t revolve around Elon Musk. Humanity’s future shouldn’t depend on whether he gets his ego stroked off. For fuck’s sake, stop worshipping billionaires. Stop kneeling. It’s pathetic. They’re people. Albeit shitty people. And even if they’re lizards they should be held to the same standards as the rest of us. No throne is beyond judgment. And where’s my fucking DOGE check.